Invisible

Independence From What???

2009-09-24T07:19:00.005-04:00

So Nigeria's independence is coming around the corner. Indy bash here and there. I don't usually like to discuss topics that center on how far the country has come but I'm in a mood for ranting and raving.

How many years since Nigeria's independence from the British rule? How many years and how much does the country have to show for it? This is by no means a political debate. This is actually stemming from a discussion I had with a friend here who claimed Naija is now on point and all.
Sony ran an ad for the new PS3 and they made a reference to the online scams from Nigeria and what not and my friend got fired up and started a drive to have Sony withdraw the ad.
See ad here: Sony PS3 Slim Ad
I thought the ad was funny and I had no issue with Sony running the ad. That was how the debate started on how we as young folks need to go back and fix things. Anyways, that discussion is for another day.

So what's going on with Nigeria? I've been away for 7 years so maybe I'm not current on the current affairs. People say it's better now, better roads, nice buildings, shopping malls, this and that. You know what I tell those folks??? Good but not enough!!!!

It doesn't matter if they have streets paved with marbles and skyscrapers touching the heavens. Until basic amenities can be provided without stress, to me; no major improvement has been made in Nigeria. Until you can pull into a gas station, pump gas yourself and drive off without queue or sweat as it should in an oil producing country, the change is not good enough.

Until NEPA or PHCN or whatever they go by now can provide 24/7 electricity, until you can reach for your phone, dial 911, 999, 111, 777 or whatever and have emergency services reach you in 10 minutes, until firefighters can actually save a house and ambulances can race to real hospitals and save lives, the change is not good enough.

I've heard the argument that America or any other developed nations didn't get to where they are now in 50 years and so we should wait. Wait for how long?? No doubt, the country has come a long way. Shooo, 12 years ago, there was no MTN and now I hear all sorts, Glo, Zain, MTN, tongolo. You haven't heard of Tongolo?? Oh my. Ask your recharge card vendor.

Education wise, the country is not right. I hear ASUU has been on strike for like 2 months now? Over what? Another demand of pay raise? Why would teachers who are supposed to be building the blocks for these students be the ones to break those blocks? I don't get it. The mentality is sooo backwards, it amazes me. My brother spent 7 years in college for a 5 year degree.

When I was in college in naija, I was lucky not to have everlasting strikes but I had my fair share of closures and alutas and what not. Another story for another day jare. Private schools are popping up here and there which is great. But then, what about the ones who can't afford to pay for these schools? Even those who went to those private schools and graduated on time, what are they doing?

It looks like everyone is in the banking industry now. No offense to anyone, please. I absolutely apologize if I step on anyone's toes but I find something wrong with someone with a BSc in Computer Science working as a bank teller or whatever the title is. Why would I go to school to learn how to write software and design them to now be working as a bank person. I know food engineers working as bankers. What's up with that? Why can't the system have adequate infrastructures in place to cater to this minds blazing with new ideas that can propel the country even further. I don't blame these young folks. I blame the system that put them in this situation.

Nigeria needs a purging. Greed and self worth is sooo deep with the folks in authority that they don't care what happens to the children coming up after them.
Don't get me wrong. I love my country. I was born Nigerian and no matter how many citizenship I get to hold, I won't deny that (except the country becomes one cuckoo country). I just need these people in power to wake the frack up.

Happy independence in advance. I wish the country more power and improvements but dang it Nigeria, it's high time you took care of your own people. All that oil money can light up the country.

Like I said, I was in the mood to rant and rave. Work stress is not helping. Again and again, this was not intended to offend anyone. I just wanted to say my piece on how the powers that be are robbing the people of their rights.

HAPPY INDEPENDENCE IN ADVANCE!!!

Baby, Come Back!!!

2009-09-13T18:51:00.002-04:00

Wow blogsville. How've y'all been?? Dang, it's been a long time. I shouldn't have left y'all without a dope beat to step to. Okay, I'm not Aaliyah so enough of that.
My bad folks. I sincerely apologize from the deepest ventricle of my heart. Bumight, help me with that anatomy.

So what happened?? Work happened.
I finished school back in May and it was nice getting a second degree and all; no more homeworks or projects and stuff. But work kicked in high gear. This high profile project had me working late into the night and on weekends. I'm running from church to go log into work at home. I'm staying till midnight at work, my car being lonely in the parking lot. Work kicked my butt. It's still kicking it but I'm kicking it back; I'm not supposed to work myself to wahala. Which levels???

So what has been happening all these while?? I'll give a summary and then I'll go into details in subsequent posts.

Enigma got married!!! Believe that.
I bought a house, up and left my parents. Yay me!
My girlfriend says she wants to meet BB. Hmmm
Why am I thinking getting married more frequently now?
I can't think of anything else. I'm at work and I'm making myself take a break by force.
I'm trying to destress from all these work stress.

Obviously and apparently, I've deviated from listing what has been happening. Sorry.
I know a lot of you might have 'unrolled' me from your blogroll and I have to win you back.
Sorry; ndo; kpe; ma binu; merci; *insert native language for sorry here*.

I'm going to try and stay on track. I'll be upfront and let you know that I may not update as frequently as before but I will do my best not to be too distant anymore. See as I'm begging sef. Is blogsville that unforgiving? I think not.

So bumight, badderchic, Solomonsydelle, Ms O, shonavixen, naijababe, buttercup, charizard, aloted, just toluwa, doll, lady koko, funms, miz-cynic, MDM, sting, brown sugar, ibiluv, temite, wellsbaba, afrobabe, misslove, naijalines, *catches breath* whew.
Okay, I feel like I'm giving a speech and calling out folks.
For all those I missed, I got love for y'all. Oya come show me some!!!.

Yours in apology.

Yours In Apology

2009-09-13T18:21:00.003-04:00

Dear blogosphere,
So I disappeared for 2 months, appeared with a post and disappeared for another 2 or so months.
Not a way to treat my blogsvile family. I thought about leaving blogsville but my girlfriend told me not to abandon my folks like that.

It's been a tough period. Not as in trying but as in my schedule. No more school (thinking about getting a second Masters though) but work has been a butt kicker.

I will return in coming days and update properly, bring you up to speed on what's been going on all these while.

Forget me not blogsville, for I shall return in due time.
I shall rise above my schedule and all that keeps me busy (except my girl) and I shall return.

Yours in apology
Invisible

Wha Gwan Mon???

2009-06-09T16:13:00.006-04:00

Wow, it's been over 2 months since I last posted. I won't be surprised if some of y'all have dropped me from your blog list. I'm still here though. I used to come around and read blogs, post comments every now and then but whew, it's been a busy time for me. I haven't even been coming as frequently as I used to anymore.
I got love for y'all, the time just gets stolen away by the daily tasks.

This past month of May was an awesome month in many ways. It was really busy too but it was busy in a good way.
So have y'all been? I've been gone too long to just flow back into this mehn. Where is a good meme when you need one? Let's see how I can get my groove back. I may never do that but I'll try.

You would think I have more time on my hands now that I'm done with school. Yup, graduated last month with my Master's degree, getting my diploma in the mail next week. Honestly, if someone asks me what I'm going to do now or if I'm going to go for phD one more time, I will sue them.
What is it with people? What is their business with what I want to do now? If I want to chill and not do anything, my perogative dammit. Jeez, I have a stable job I'm trying to garner more experience on, leave me alone. People don't understand that in today's world education - experience = nothing. You need both, I have my education, lemme go get my experience and I'll decide when I have enough of that.

People, I am vexing o. Imagine, I graduated and 2 hours after graduation, this dude is preaching to me about going picking up a phD form in 2 days. What the frack? (to steal that from buttercup). Digression, my girlfriend and I enjoyed your post on facebook toasters b'cup and the phrase "what the frack?" has been copied a few times.

Okay, back on track. This dude was telling me my masters was nothing except I get hooded with a doctorate. I wanted to tell the guy "frack you" if not because he was the pastor that was invited to come pray at the after party. (You know naijas can't do without gele and ayefele).

My dad had to apologize later that he wasn't expecting the guy to say all that and he was pissed too. Geez, how about you give me credit for killing myself to get that done. The dude told me not to take calls from girls and focus on my phD for 5 years and then I can talk to girls. I was like 'this dude is clueless'.
1- I already have a girlfriend who's awesome inside and outside, all around so I don't need to be taking any calls from girls.
2- I have a life and I ain't putting that on hold for 5 year 'cause you said so. 5 years?? Gosh, I should be a married daddy in 5 years. What nonsense??

Personally, I don't give a frack about phD (okay I need to chill with this frack thing). Anyways, I just accepted his prayer and threw his advise away. He can save it for his kids.

Let me get back to work jare. That memory just boiled my blood. It feels good to be back. I can't say I'm back fully though, I still have some busy days/weeks ahead of me. I'll be back to share more May testimonies.

Babington, koova my thomka. (Coded sturvs, don't try to figure it out)

Is This It???

2009-03-21T22:43:00.003-04:00

Blogosians!!! You'll have to forgive me. I've been MIA big time. Well, not totally. I've been away but I've been here. How can I be here and not here??? I'm invisible, I'm where you don't see me. hehehe.
I've not been here because I've not been updating as I would love to and I've not been reading posts or commenting but I've been here because I've been reading posts and leaving comments when I can. This is a long thing, I'm beginning to confuse myself sef.

So why have I been MIA?? Folks, it's been busy. This is the last semester of my Masters program (whoot! whoot!!), graduation's in 5 weeks. With that comes the work of school. Projects, assignments, homeworks, quizzes, exams, all of it. I'm taking full time classes so you can multiply all that work as many times as you want.

I've also been working full time. Yup, doing the 8-5 also. Imagine waking up at 6am, driving an hour to get to work, working 8 hours (make it 9 hours plus lunch) then drive an hour to school, listen to a lecture for 4 hours then drive 30 minutes home. Yeah, when I get home, I just want to get food (if it's not too late) and talk to girlfi and sleep.
It's so crazy that I have to take my school work to work and work on my lunch break and sometimes in between work (I hope folks from work don't read this) and still with all that time, I can't complete the homework.
This is the semester that I might get the worst grade since I started my graduate classes a year ago but I don't care, I just want to be done.

So blogsville, if I've been MIA, forgive me. It looks like I've been whining but it is what it is. I read blogs to relax, get a laugh and chill but not enough time to comment or update.
Sorry to all the folks whose request for updates I kinda ignored. It wasn't on purpose and sorry to all my blogosians I haven't been in touch with.

So what's with the blog title???
I'm wondering o. Have I lost the blogging thing?? I don't think I'll have that much time after graduation to be updating either. Work alone and traffic is enough to take all my time.
I thought about blogging once in a while but I don't want to be like Enigma (oh oh). If I want to update, I want to update on a consistent level not once in 4 months but it's either that or I bow out before I lose my lustre or whatever's left of it.
By the way, I'm also being a full time boyfriend and I can't put that aside either.
I guess we'll see what happens.

Una welldone o. I wasn't nominated for any naija blogger's award!!! Not even for disappearing act??? Maybe I should work on my disappearing for next year!

So long, BB!

2009-01-14T10:09:00.004-05:00

Whew, it's been a few weeks. Sorry peoples, couldn't help it. School has resumed again and work is there and trust me, it's not easy combining both full time. his is my last semester though so let's just get it over with. I'm taking one undergraduate class that's just retarded. It's called Principles of Financial Accounting. I don't need the class but it's a requirement and since I didn't do anything core business related in my undergrad, I didn't have to take it. My teacher sucks. She assigned like 40 questions as homework. #1, I haven't done homework in ages; I do projects and write papers. Then she turned and asked that we only submit like 10 questions. So why make me do 40 questions if you only need 10. Then she spent 2 hours of a 3 hour class reviewing the homework and then had to rush us for the next hour. What was all that rubbish? That's one reason why I don't miss undergrad work. My grad classes will be awesome.

So I introduced BB a while ago. BB was the second me that was out there. He didn't play nice with girls. He told it like it was, no sugar coating. He just wanted to play. In reality I am AA, quiet, easy going, nice and what not. I'm not going to describe myself. I'm invisible, you're not supposed to see or know me. When I needed a balance between the two people, I came up with AB. Nice and not so nice, quiet and not quiet.
So why did I bring up BB?? He's about to leave. He's been incognito for a while now. AA has been in control full swing and it's been wonderful. I didn't even notice that he was almost gone till buttercup mentioned it. (Hey B'cup!!!). It's not really because I re-met my friend but it really wasn't me. It was an attempt to break away from my norm, be wild and all that.
I'm still watching to see if I want to kill him off completely. I think I'll keep a bit of him though and stay as AB, that way, I can still get on the level when I need to be naughty. My naughtiness does not involve 3rd parties o. I can be naughty with one person, thank you.

Okay, I think I'm having writer's block. I was getting sleepy at work (so much for that diligence abi?) so I decided to write a bit.

If you look through my posts, you'll find a few rantings of BB but I doubt if I'll be making anymore. If I do, it will be AB recounting the days of BB.
So feel free to express your parting wishes to BB. For the folks, that prefer BB to AA or AB, I'm sorry he's leaving but he's got to go.

BB here. It looks as if I'm about to x'ed. It was nice meeting y'all and thanks for reading my escapades as PG 13 as they were. That AA dude won't let me go into details. My yansh ogling days are over and I'm no longer allowed to be random flirting with them fine fine ladies, oyinbo o, single o, married o. Hmmm, thinking back to those days ...
I carried a coup and kicked out AA but he's gotten reinforcements I can't battle. The dude is hooked on this chick like she's alcohol and I can't compete with that.
Once again, it has been a pleasure. Sayonara!!!

Back and Better

2008-12-17T13:42:00.001-05:00

So I've been incognito again. Not intentional, just circumstances haven't permitted me.

Thanks to Tigeress who let me know she could blog at work and since we're in the same field, I decided to try and guess what? I can blog too, yay! Don't expect me to be doing this often though.

So what have I been up to?
Well, I finished this semester and my grades were flying. I'm so proud of myself. Who knew all that hard work and typing thousands of words and pages of jargons could translate to super good grades. Why are there no honor colleges for graduate schools or am I just in the dark about them?

Work is going swell. Really busy but I'm working it. Somehow, I find myself being diligent, so diligent that I'm even working from home after getting home and on the weekends. I'm so proud of myself too. There's no overtime pay, I'm not hourly so all that extra is just extra but I'm diligent. Whatever.

I'm dry today. I think it's because I'm doing this from work. I'm trying to speed things up so I can get back to work like an ant or should I say busy bee.

Today is my birthday, fellow blogosians. I wasn't going to announce it but hey, I'm alive to thank Baba God so why not. How old am I? Aren't you a nosy person? If you know, you know, if not ... oops, lol.
Sagittarius rocks y'all.

So I've been going about not dating until whenever. I've been ranting about me enjoying and living up my single life but guess what? I re-met somebody. Yes, I said re-met because we met years ago and we just said hello hello. Our dads are friends but we never had any interaction till about a couple of months ago and we just hit it off.
I'm not going to go into any details beyond this for now.

I'll try and update more often. I'll try my best. I'm still going to be spaced out though. I'm still adjusting to having 12 hours of my day diverted for work alone and 6 diverted towards sleep and 6 for whatever.

I'll get in the groove though.
Thanks to those who already wished me a happy birthday in one way or the other (you know yourselves).

The Awakening

2008-12-01T09:49:00.003-05:00

Fellow blogosians,
I've been a bad citizen of blogosphere. I literarily went invisible and invincible.
It was not intentional though. Some changes occured that got me tied down, good changes of course. I got busier , much busier, almost too busy for myself.
I won't go into details now but I decided that today, right now, this very moment, oh crap, my query died! Oops, I'm talking about work now. I was waiting for this query to finish running and the stupid thing died because some file was full? What kind of stupid error is that?
I digressed, pardon me.

Yes, as I was saying. I said right now, I will pause everything and update. In fact, I paused my mp3 that was crooning Etcetera in my ears. The guy was boring me anyways, lol.

Blogosians, I'm still here o. Please accept my apologetic apologies. I've been reading your blogs when I can, I just don't comment often because it's a long thing when you're using your phone. The phone is coming handy in updating now though.

Plenty stories. I will get into them one by one. I will update properly today (amen) from a pc when I get home tonight.

Thanks to all that asked after me and asked me to update. Like the terminator said, "I'll be back", hehehe

Naked 419

2008-10-27T09:18:00.002-04:00

I've had this sitting in my draft for over a month now. Seeing that there's a recession on blogsville, I decided to break the reserves. That's what reserves are for right?
This happened a while ago, actually last summer so over a year ago but it was and is still a funny story so enjoy.

My friends decided to go out one night and where did they decide to go? Strip club.

As of this day, I had never been to one and I had and still have my reservations against it. What's the point of getting yourself 'high' when you can't finish the process. Having some almost nude cutie grind on me and shake her inflated pom poms in my face when I can't touch them is a waste of heart beats.

I was outnumbered in my vote against it by like 8 people so I figured, what the heck, let's roll.

Stopped by the ATM to get some cash. I don't like carrying cash, having to carry change annoys me. I pour changes in tip jars, I hate jingling in my pockets. So I stop by the ATM and withdraw $60. That's enough now, na me wan go tip all the strippers. I was driving so I knew I wasn't buying any drinks and I have enough to buy drinks for someone. Abi how much do you expect me to spend on the strippers. I wasn't planning on getting any dances. I was just going 'cause everyone wanted to go and they needed me to drive a second car. Ashewo people, lol.

We piled into 2 cars and headed out. Got to the club around 10pm or so. Fee to get in was $10. Me feeling like big boy decided to pay for my sister and another girl staying with us. So I dropped $30 at the door. If I give the dancer $10 - $20 in singles, that's something now. We found a spot to lounge and we began to watch the show.

The announcer said something about getting a dance for a fee and u get free hat or something. One of the girls must have seen that I was super bored. She came to me and started doing her thing. I told my friends in yoruba that I didn't ask her to come and dance o. She kept dancing, I kept looking. She put one of their caps on my head, I took it off (I don't wear caps anyway). She came closer and was literally butt-rubbing me down there. Hmmm, ok o, body no be wood o. Of course, the girl probably took that as a good sign and she put in extra effort.

She started trying to psych me that that was her first time. I said for real? me too (idiot girl). Every now and then, I'll put a dollar in her pantyhose. One of my friends, a bad enabler, kept edging the girl on. He would tip the girl every minute and tell her she was doing a good job. By this time, I was getting tired of all this dry humping. If na something we wan do, make we do. All this dry hump me and leave me hanging is not my thing.

Anyway sha, after like 15 minutes, she ends the serenren and says $30.

Me: For what?

Dancer: For the dance.

Lol, abi this one craze?

Me: What dance?

Her: The one I just gave you

Me: Am I supposed to pay you for that? I gave you tips.

Her: Yeah but that was the house special, that's the free hat and it's $30.

Me: I didn't ask for a dance, you came to me and I don't want your hat either.

Her: Well, I already danced

Me: and I tipped you for that

Her: You still need to pay me.

By this time, my group were looking and wondering what was happening. I told them and I think a couple of them started laughing. Not that I couldn't have paid the but I had already tipped her out of the $30 I had left. I looked behind me and I saw a bouncer standing with arms crossed. I said "ehn ehn, you want to shakara me abi?"

My friend asked how much extra I needed. I told the guy, lai lai. She wants to play smart and force this 'house special' on me, I'll show her she's not that good.

Me: I gave you tips right?

Her: Yes

Me: Count it out.

She seperated my tips from my friend's tips and tried to add some of mine to my friend's but I was too sharp. See, I put my tips in her pantyhose and my friend put his in her thong so I knew whose was where, not so fast. She counted the tips from me - $12. That was almost $1 per minute, for something I couldn't touch??? See 419 without clothes o.

Me: So I owe you $18?

Her: I guess

Idiot no even sabi maths, "I guess". She didn't look too good anymore, her smile was gone but my smile was just starting.

I checked my wallet and there was exactly $18 left so I gave it to her and said keep the tips from my friend (like she would have returned it). Abeg, carry your nice Puerto Rican boobs and ass go joo with your fake "this is my 1st time" lie.
Not that I couldn't have paid her the money and still give her tips but the bottom line was that was the cash on me. I don't carry cash, I hate carrying cash. The notes make my wallet thicker and when I pay with cash, I have to deal with loose change. I hate change so I don't carry cash. That's why debit cards were invented but God forbid I swipe my card at a strip club or even a regular club. Forget opening tabs at the bar. I don't drink and drive anyway and I ALWAYS drive. When I buy drinks for people at the club, it's cash.

Anyways, back to the story, my friends were rolling with laughter by now and I didn't have anything but swear words for them. I left their hat there o. God forbid that I return to my father's house with hat from a strip club. I think it was obvious that I wasn't happy with them cause another dancer (clothed) came and gave me a hug again for no reason, lol.

The place got boring after a while and we decided to go to a club instead. Now the payer became the payee - my sister that I paid her entrance into the strip joint ended up paying my entrance fee into the club. Again, I don't use my bank cards at clubs.

Long story short, that was my first and last visit to the strip joint. It's pure punishment if you're not going to finish the "show" at your house, lol.

Pre-mini update

2008-10-16T08:15:00.004-04:00

WOW!!! I never thought it would get to this point where I wouldn't update for almost a month. Sorry people, work all around was trying to bury me but I refuse to be put under. God forbid!

The funny thing is I have some skeleton drafts of things I wanted to talk about in the past that I just need to add some flesh to but I'm also trying to carry you guys along previous posts.
I guess I will just close the story on the stain on my shirt. The how it got there involved me and girl, (duh???). How her head or face got to my torso, I'll leave up to your imagination.

Speaking of stains, I was out this weekend for a party and I looked at the shirt I wore the next day and saw another stain on the chest area. This time, it looked like lipstick, I don't think anyone would be wearing that kind of color for a powder, it was like dark pinkish purple. Abeg, leave me joo, I don't know all those make up colors. What was lipstick doing on my chest? I don't know either. Maybe some girl was mega horny and was "trying" to suck something (I don't have man boobs o). If that was the case, the girl could have easily just told me. That was for you dirty minded people. For the clean minded folks, maybe I took a picture (I took a few) and a girl turned her face into my shirt.

School work is going to be light for me this week. All the professors seemed to have cooled down or maybe I just put in extra effort. I think it's the latter 'cause I've even completed a project that's not due until next Tuesday and so my ass is not going to school next Tuesday. That was the condition, if you finish it by last Tuesday, take next week off. Of course, I have other projects but we'll see sha.

Imagine o, I came into work, logged into my system and the first thing I did was update. I have work emails that need to be read o. I'm going, you people will not get me fired before I quit.

The Result and the award

2008-09-28T20:49:00.009-04:00

Hmmm hmmm *clearing throat*.

So I wanted to sample you people and see how nasty you people think I am or how nasty you people are.
I sorta arranged the options from the top down, it can also pass as a least nasty - more nasty list but maybe not. In all, 20 people voted. I know you can see the result but I'm feeling like a typist and I want to type it. If I vex, I'll get to writing and make all of you read my duck scratch, that's better than chicken scratch right??

So 60% (12) of you thought it was from a hug. Awww, how innocent. Girl walks in, sees boy, says hello and gives hug therefore staining the shirt on the shoulder. Perfect scenario but WRONG!!!

25% (5) thought it was from a kiss. Double awww. Not so innocent but still innocent. Girl walks in, sees boy, says hello and gives a kiss on the cheek or lips (not impossible) therefore staining shirt on collar. Perfect scenario but WRONG!!!

10% (2) thought it was from sucking. Sucking what???? The two of you that voted groin and you know yourself, you are NASTY!!! But it's not impossible. It was at a friend's house and there were rooms we could have disappeared to for a quick quickie therefore staining the shirt in the groin area. Not a perfect scenario but not impossible and WRONG!!!

So nobody voted for nothing. You guys don't think I can lie? Awww, you guys see me as a truthful person, that's so nice, guys. Well, my shirt really did get stained so ...

Wait, I skipped one - 1 person, 5% voted torso. I need this person to come out o. Please show yourself, I have an award for you. Abi, did I vote for myself? My nice white with blue stripes TM Lewin shirt got stained on the torso or chest/belly area, take your pick. So how did it happen??? Till that person that voted comes forward to claim his/her prize, I won't say.
All of you that said it couldn't have been stained in the groin area, don't be deceived o. Sexcapades will never make on blogger though so we'll leave it at that.

UPDATE
Ladies and gentlemoimoi, the one person who voted correctly has been identified. Give it up for Stinger (if you're lying, I will send a pit bull to you). For your award, scroll down to the next red text.

Before I forget, I got the certified honest blogger award and you will have to forgive me but I forgot who gave me. I got it from 2 people actually and I'm too lazy to go dig up who. I also forgot the rules but I know I have to pass it to some people and display it??

Anyways, this is my acceptance speech.

First, I'd like to thank the Lord who made it possible for me to be here today. I'd like to thank my family for their support. My parents who didn't spare the rod and the slaps when I destroyed things just because I wanted to see what made it work.

My brother, Enigma who used to refuse to let me ride with him when he was going out to his friends. Also my sister. You don't know her so leave her alone.

I'll also like to thank my director - my desktop computer, my producer - my laptop/tablet, my screenwriter - my work computer and I cannot forget my makeup artist who's always there with me.
You don't understand, guys. This person makes up for everything my director and producer can't do. When I'm on the go, he's there, when I'm sleeping, he's there. He makes sure I can check blogger at 1am on my bed when my producer and director are in bed. On many occasions, my makeup artist lets me shoot movies and he makes sure the producer gets it right. I've been mean to him guys and I want to apologize. I've dropped him, I've thrown him and I've threatened to replace him, even as recent as 3 days ago. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a standing ovation to my make up artist - my phone the iPhone. *oya, stand and clap now*

Okay, the band has started playing the song to get me off stage so I need to round up. I will like to share this Certified Honest Blogger award with the following people:

Enigma (about time you got one dammit)
Tigeress (shey you will be nice to me now)
Tisha (I actually do think you are honest)
Naija Babe (keep being the meanie you are)
Bumight (we cool now??)
Jarrai (I owe you a diagnosis, I didn't forget o)
Agbero (Abeg, where Sikira dey now?)

Stinger (You don't have one yet, do you?)

They are coming to chase me off the stage now o. If I didn't mention your name, I have you on reserve and if you already got the award, don't be greedy, return it. I can get some change for it on eBay.

The story is coming o people. I was feeling hyper and wanted to type something by force tonight.

Vote your guess - updated

2008-09-24T22:54:00.004-04:00

All of you asking where the stain on my shirt was, before I tell you , you have to work small. It's just a click so don't do shakara.

How about you tell me where you think the stain is and then I'll confirm or deny.
A poll has been put up above, vote your guess.

Let me give you guys more details, something I neglected to mention.
I was not at a club. I was at a friend's house with a few other friends and a bunch of girls showed up and it turned into a mini club scene. The lights were down/out - the only light was coming from a laptop screen (perfect for some deeds *wink*).

Feel free to change your vote if you think these details offer a better insight.

Guess No More

2008-09-23T10:36:00.003-04:00

This is a quick update. I've been tied down with all these school work crap jare. I tire.
So who called me out of the blue? You guessed it: Gold digger. Who else would it be? I talk to 'too close of a friend' every now and then. I've been doing more of online chatting instead of phone conversations. I can't be bothered jare.

Anyways, after like 2 months or so of silence, my phone rings from a blocked number. Normally, I would ignore it but some naija calls come through as blocked so I picked up and at first, the line went dead. I was like, if this person is flashing me from naija, he or she has missed it big time 'cause I didn't see the number. The phone rings again, blocked number. Hello??? Hellooo?? "Hey" said the voice. I almost bursted out laughing. I called her name just to confirm and she answered. Okay? What's up? She said she wanted to call and say hello since I abandoned her and bla bla bla. I don't have time for this nonsense. I told her to call me back in an hour.

She called back o. Fine, lemme talk to her. Hows' this, how's that, this nko, and that??? Story upon story, jobless now, quit school, someone moved out, no job to find. I don't have time for all this japajantis. Is your ass still available for tapping??? Of course I didn't say that. I would have but when she started mentioning that people still want to be friends with her for her ass, I figured I can't be classified in that category. A whole me, classified with the fellas that she's described as basically without any life goals? Lai lai, God forbid. She called again the next day and after like 30 minutes of her rambling, I told her, I can't see your number so I can't call you. I'll talk to you whenever. She promised to text me her number. I think my phone must have rejected it 'cause I didn't get it and I don't think I want it, neither do I want that ass anymore. What I'll be hearing next is "Can I get money for gas?"

If my phone rings from a blocked number, it's going to voice mail where the message will be deleted.
I typed everything before this about a week ago. A couple of days, my phone rang - blocked number again. I threw the phone somewhere to be ringing. I don't have time for all these stupid games. I'm too busy for any runs now sef. Oyinbo sef gan is on break and I'm not saying anything on oyinbo now. You'll just have to wait, I have too much school work to do. Maybe next week, if the work load reduces.
That even reminds me, I need to call this one girl that was grinding on me last friday. See as the chick stain my TM Lewin shirt with brown powder, aarrggh. Well, I can't complain since I know how the powder got there *wink*. If girl gives you number, you're supposed to call within how many days sef? I've gotten rusty o, kai. What do I care? If she wan vex say I no call, make she vex jare.

Speaking of which, I got the certified blogger award twice. I know I need to pass it on but time is gold right now. Nominees coming soon.

Father, Dear Father!

2008-09-16T09:47:00.006-04:00

How many of you remember that show from back in the days? Well, the father in this case is my father. I've been enjoying my single life jejeli except now, my father has suddenly developed an interest in my love life. He's been asking me who's next on my list and what not and I told him, I have a few options, end of story. My mum caught wind of me talking to 'too close of a friend' but I made sure she also caught wind that I'm not going down that route. She had been bothering me about the chick. Of course, she had some other suggestions that I turned down to her dismay. I don't need my mum pointing out girls to me.

How did it begin?

I became single again (I'm tired of saying this but you have to understand that 4 years of being 'double' is a long time) and my parents have been watching out for who the next girl will be. What they don't realize is I've suspended being in an official relationship for the next 1 year (give or take 6 months, lol). So once my parents hear word of me talking to a girl, they want to find out who and what not. They've even made recommendations and suggestions but what is their own in this matter? I say I no do, na by force?

Anyways, I was at a family party some weeks ago and I sat with a friend that came in from out of state. We were gisting and laughing and all. I'm not close with this girl, I haven't spoken to her in like 6 months but this evening, we were like best buddies, taking pictures, making fun of each other, getting food together and all the stuffs BFFs would do. When it was time for her to leave, I walked her out to her car and promised to stay in touch. What I didn't know was my pops was watching me from across the hall. A couple of days later, my dad asked me if the girl had a boyfriend, I said none that I know of. Next thing he told me was "why don't you 'talk' to her?" I told him she was one of my many options but she was schooling in a different state and I'm not so sure I want to be driving or flying that far. Then he told me the girl's state was not too far to drive or fly to. What the heck??? This was the man that was telling one of his friends that I don't travel o (don't know who told him that) and all of a sudden traveling was not a big deal for me.

As if that was not enough, a few days ago, he asked me how far with my 'search'? What's with his obsession sef? I told him I wasn't searching and I wanted to take some time and settle myself first. I told him I wanted to focus on school, finish and get some other major things done before I bring in someone else into my personal space. My father was like, "what are you trying to settle?", "what major things am you planning that is delaying you?" Then he game me a shocker. My father asked me I wanted him to talk to any of the girls for me? Jesus!!! Why would my dad be toasting a girl for me. Of course, I gave him a huge NO! What was he going to tell them? That I'm a nice guy, gentle and caring or what? Trust me, I know my dad, if I had said 'sure, talk to them', he would have asked for any of the girls' number and called them. He then started singing this old school song about a guy that wanted to marry a girl and her parents refused and gave her to someone else. I just stood in utter disbelief. And as he walked away, he said "better don't waste time, before some other guy snatches them". Y'all should have seen the look on my face. Of course Enigma had a laugh of his day when I gave him the news.
I want some me time, I need some me time and I've got it. Someone please tell my dad to back away from my business. These sudden Americanization of my parents is something else o. I think my mum sent my dad to collect information since I've stopped giving my mum face about it. Make them free me jare. They should get on Enigma's case.

If only they know what I've been up to. If only they knew about oyinbo. Who's oyinbo? Well, leave story, let's just say BB is doing what he came to do. He's handling the kind of business AA is too righteous to handle and he's doing a good job. I am exactly where I want to be and I like it.
There are a couple of other ladies that are chasing me but are not catching me (I don't want them to catch me) and another one I am chasing but don't want to catch (what's my problem sef?).
Anyway, this is what my dad has been americanized into o. This is one of those times when being a good boy bites you in the butt. Apparently, they haven't met BB, nope, they haven't. He does a good job of hiding in the shadows.

I should clarify that my parents are not in my business like that, my pop is just funny like that. He likes using jokes to find out what's going on with you especially when it comes to girls. I'll say they are just being curious except that their curiosity is too much for me. They are not talking marriage by the way (okay, maybe my pops mentioned it once or twice). Read and laugh!

Oh people, guess who called me last week or when sef?

Guess now!

Nooo!

Guess.

You can't?

Fine, I'll tell you.

I cut the answer out 'cause the post got too long. The answer will be coming soon.

Copy Cat Testing

2008-09-11T19:46:00.002-04:00

Great Escape III - The Rear Endings

2008-09-02T09:09:00.002-04:00

Alright, after much delays in production and a commercial break, I have finally resumed work on the final episode of the Great Escape series. This one is named The Rear Endings because it involves a couple of rear end collisions.
Very long post alert!

The first one was on a Friday morning in October 2005. I was driving my Corolla jejeli around 7am. I was traveling on city roads trying to make my way to the highway for the 40 minute drive to work. I was on a 2 lane road and was coming up on an crossroad that allowed people leaving their subdivisions to merge on the city road. A car pulled up into the median and stayed there, probably waiting for me to pass so the car could get in behind me. At the time the driver pulled into the median, I was still far away and the person could have merged before I got there without disturbing me but she didn't. Then I guess she thought about it and decided to get in before me, only issue was at this time I was closer and I would have to brake hard to avoid hitting her.

She pulled in and I started flashing my headlights to let the driver know she was pulling a crazy move and I slowed down to let her go but the driver now decided she was going to wait instead and she stopped. Although she wasn't in my lane yet, she had stuck the front end of her car in my lane. I couldn't pass without clearing the front of her car. I slammed my brakes and hit my horns. I wanted to cut into the right lane to avoid hitting her but there was a car pulling in that lane from the other side. I slammed my brakes harder and I was able to stop just before I got to her car and then screeeeeech! BANG!!! BANG!!!

WTF just happened? Someone just plowed into my from the back. Notice there are 2 bangs above. That's because when I got hit from the back, my car was pushed and I ended up hitting the woman that pulled in front of me. At first I was dazed, I was thinking what just happened. I pulled off the road and got out of my car. Obviously, I was missing my left front headlamp and my car sounded like I had a busted muffler or silencer. The car that hit me had a smashed up front. Well in the driver's seat of this car was this cute little chick (here we go again with them pretty young things - PYT).

We did the "are you okay" formalities and what not. The airbags in PYT's car deployed and I was worried for her more cause her car didn't look good at all. I called the police and then called my mum cause I was just like 5 minutes from home. The lady that pulled in front of me was Jamaican and she was just screaming bla bla bla saying I hit her and I did this. PYT and I were looking at her like, "bitch you pulled into the road and stopped". But here, you hit someone from the back, it's your fault. PYT got a ticket and her insurance fixed my car and all. The Jamaican idiot? I don't know what happened her. I wanted her to get a ticket so bad but the cop let her off. I didn't suffer any injuries though and I still went to work with my car making the loudest noise it could make. My boss sent me back home though and my car was fixed within 10 days.

PART 2

January 26, 2006, 1pm.

I had just left work and I was supposed to go to my girlfriend's (now ex) place for some afternoon rendezvous *wink* before I go to school later in the evening. I was actually on the phone with my girl when the crash happened.

There's this junction on the highway where construction was going on. The road was narrow and they were expanding the road but construction meant an even narrower road so there was always slow traffic at this place except for this afternoon. It was strange. I was cruising along and I made the bend to turn to this narrow road and I saw there was no traffic. I was happy - more time for me to enjoy this afternoon. To give you a better view, the road slopes down, then climbs up to become a bridge for a little bit. I was driving my same Corolla, except this time I had done some custom jobs on it. I put custom chrome tail lights, chrome exhaust tip, halo projector headlamps (BMW style), new brakes, new shocks, new tires. It was a stick shift (manual) but I don't race. I speed when I need to but I DON'T race. Of course, people try to race me at lights and what not but I'm smarter than that.

There was a 2003 Corolla in front of me but there was plenty of distance between us. Well, on the bridge was a traffic jam but we couldn't see it because we're on the lower part of the slope. Cars got to the bridge and slowed down. The car in front of the corolla got to the bridge and slammed the brakes, the corolla behind it did the same. I saw the sudden stop and I hit my brakes also and I started hearing the screech. "Why is my car not stopping?" I tried again and it kept screeching, I was slowing down but I was sliding also, time for some quick thinking. I looked to my right thinking I could cut into that lane but there was a car there. There was an exit on the left, I checked my left to see if I could make the exit but there was a blue mazda 626 with a guy sitting in the passenger's side and he had his hand outside. If I cut left for the exit, I will not only hit the car, I will crush the dude's hand and I will probably crash into the median/divider. Then BAM!!! The deed had been done.

I looked up and saw my hood or bonnet all bent up. The airbags didn't deploy which meant I slowed down considerably since those things are supposed to fire at 20mph or higher (except I had a faulty sensor). I got out of the car, the lady got out too, did same "are you okay" formalities. Everyone was fine. Her car looked okay, her rear bumper was just scratched up but my car was messed up. Since it was a narrow road, we were blocking one lane. Traffic guy came and told us to go to a parking lot where a cop later met us. My car was still working though. I drove it home and to the repair shop after I got a ticket, grrrr! I later found out, my tires had less grip on the road because the road had been scraped so they could put a fresh layer of asphalt cause I didn't understand how new brakes, tires and shocks failed me. Of course I lost my custom jobs and till this day, my dad still thinks I was racing when the crash happened and I have never raced before but you have a guy with manual transmission and custom accessories - racer traits.

Well, at the repair shop, they claimed the frame of the car had been bent. Everything else can be fixed except for the frame. To the eye, you wouldn't know but ideal thing is once the frame is bent or damaged, junk it and that was what the repair shop and my insurance did - they sold it as junk. I'm sure the car is back on the streets now as a rebuilt car. Insurance paid me the value of the car though and I went and got a newer model Corolla. I no longer have that car either but it was not due to a crash.

Needless to say, I'm a safer driver now. I do a lot of defensive driving now. You want to overtake? Go! I keep my distance but of course the newer cars have better 'defense' mechanisms also that help. In summary, I just want to thank Baba God again that spared me in all of these crashes. I've seen cars on fire for similar things, people have broken bones, been ejected and killed for these same rear end collisions but I didn't suffer more than a headache.
So for all the great escapes, please give Baba loke 44000 gbosas for me.

Oh, I was playing with my ink blogging last night 'cause I drew some illustrations. I wasn't paying much attention though so I'll insert the drawings later.

Commercial Break

2008-08-25T09:03:00.008-04:00

Okay, to be honest, I haven't started on the part 3 of the Great Escape movies. I had a busy week plus I'm trying to use some effects courtesy of inspirations from archiwhiz but I haven't perfected the art of ink blogging so I decided to take a commercial break. Please enjoy these words from my sponsors.

1 - I think I'll need to join that alcoholics anonymous group o. God forbid.
I woke up this morning with a bad headache and I know what caused it - my appointment with alcohol last night. How did I get to this point?
Well, I'm a social drinker. I don't drink beer, all that Heineken and things don't go in my mouth. Last time I had Smirnoff was at my drowning. Smirnoff never tasted the same after that incident but I love wine. I've been messing with wine - pinot, sauvignon, merlot and all those types. I didn't like any of those too well but I settled with Chardonnay. I would buy one bottle like every month, it wasn't anything serious till I found White Zinfadel. I bought one small bottle like 4 weeks ago and I loved it and then I found a berry and lime flavored one by Arbor Mist. This bottle was bigger and that was what I wanted; it would last longer than those conventional skinny bottles. Now these wines are not alcoholic like them Bacardi, the only issue is, I've been drinking them like water lately, especially this past week. I would get home from work and pour me a glass on empty stomach, serve my food and pour another glass, finish the food and pour another glass for the 6 o'clock newscast.
Last night, I did the same. I first downed some WZ then got some food, then downed some again. I plopped on the couch in front of the TV to watch the closing of the Olympics, na lie, I dozed off. I woke up at the end of the ceremony with a small headache and made my way to my bedroom thinking by the time I wake up today, I'll be better. Hmm, my head was pounding when I woke up o. I made it into work and I'm good now. But guess what, I have about a glass left in that bottle and I can't wait to get to it, this afternoon.
Just to clarify, I don't get drunk on wine o. Most I've gotten was tipsy after downing about a whole bottle one time. I pride myself in being drunk only once, Enigma should remember this day at the saw mill (Philadelphia days) and I DON'T drink and drive. Never.

My sister says I'm getting addicted, I say I'm just living. What do you say?

2 - School resumed today o and classes begin for me tomorrow. Traffic has started going crazy with all the school buses and parents dropping off and students rushing to morning classes. I have 4 hour classes - 6pm - 10pm. I'm used to it though, this is my 3rd semester with that same schedule: classes on tues, wed, Thurs. My life is back in a routine now - wake up, go to work, go home (if I don't have a project due), get some food/change and go back to school; then go home, get a late dinner and crash. This will definitely affect my blogging as I need to face my books before anything else (except girls, I can multi task that one). I'll be here though posting comments and updating y'all as things go along. Hmm, I just remembered some fyne Indian girls in my previous classes. I bet I'll see them again but me and Indian? I no know o. We'll see sha as long as they don't do hari Krishna on me. Na lie, my God big pass their own, nothing do me. This ejucation sef, make I read wetin I wan read comot sha, make me sef begin dey write, B.Sc, M.Sc, Esq, Hons, JP, which one remain again?

3 - For those that know Enigma, y'all got to find out we are brothers from his comment on GE I. He actually introduced me to blogger. Some of you that met him in Las Gidi also know my name now. Badderchic already confessed to attempting to look me up on facebook, lol. I'm not against being facebook friends but let me enjoy my invisibility small. Enigma is a a janded boy but I'm doing yankee stuvvs (to borrow the words of Amplifyd) so there's a bit of a distance between us. We definitely stay in touch though. I'm his right hand man and he's my left hand man so we stand side by side. We've pulled a lot of stunts together and we still pull stunts regardless of distance.

Okay, we are now back from commercial break. Let's return to the shooting of GE III. If you see typo or gun shot, abeg ignore. Idea is need. I have a meeting in 10mins and I'm here, kai.

Great Escape II - The Drowning

2008-08-18T08:25:00.010-04:00

Disclaimer: I plan to vividly describe everything that happened and how it happened. This will be a long ass post and it will take some time to read. Hopefully, it will paint a very good picture and make you thank God again for me. Enjoy

Saturday May 21, 2005, around 6pm.

My now ex girlfriend's siblings decided to throw a pool party on this day with their parents out of town, nothing big, just some pool side fun. A bunch of people were there, the older crowd of the older siblings were on one side and we, the younger crowd were on another side. We were joined together by the pool and the food/drinks in the middle of the pool area. I don't drink conventional beer like them Heineken and stuff so I opted for Smirnoff Apple. I had one bottle, downed some barbecue chicken, I was feeling good. C'mon, it's just one bottle.

After some time, I was downing my second bottle of Smirnoff (some berry flavor this time around), I decided to enter the water. I chilled at the shallow end for a while, splashed some water, made some noise and then the devil decided it was his turn. A friend decided to walk to the deep end and he recruited me to follow and I did. We sat at the edge of the pool at the deep end for a bit, just talking and stuff and then he decided to go back to the shallow end. I said I would chill for a few more minutes. After a few minutes, I decided to go back to the shallow end. Now, I could have just stood up and and walk on the side or get in the pool and walk back along the side like I did before. But for some reason, my eyes caught a float in the middle of the deep end and I decided I had to get the float before I walk back to the shallow end. So, I jumped in the pool and proceeded to walk to the middle of the deep end.

Again, I couldn't swim (and I still can't swim). Also, the deep end was 6 ft deep and I'm 6ft 1 in height. I got halfway between the wall of the pool and the float and I realized my nose was not 6ft high off the ground, it was under water. At that point, I figured I'll jump up, catch a big mouthful of air, grab the float, land back in the water on my feet and then walk back to the wall and go the shallow end. Simple plan??? No, wrong move!!!

I jumped and took a deep breath as planned, I reached for the float but it was out of reach. Now I was coming down from the jump but instead of coming down straight, I guess the water being disturbed by everyone else pushed me a bit and I came down at an angle with my back facing the water. Realizing that I was going down into no man's land, I decided to yell so people can at least hear me and save me. Only thing was when I made that decision, I was already under and so my yell was muffled by the water. To make matters worse, the air I had taken in during my jump was being used up by my yelling. "What's happening?" I wondered. Yup, I was now officially under the water. I can't feel the ground under my feet and I can't seem to reach the wall and for some reason, everyone in the pool wasbeyond my reach. I raised my hand and I felt air. I started waving frantically, hoping someone would see my distress call. I even splashed water around but help was not coming. After a while, I decided to conserve my energy. I held my breath and tried to look around for something I can grab. I was ready to grab ass, boobs, anything at this point but although they seemed so close, they were far away. The air in my lungs started escaping. Second by second, my lungs were emptying out and then it happened.

Yup, my life flashed before me. "Is this how I die?" I saw the newspaper headline for the next week - 'Man dies in pool', I saw my mum at the hospital crying, I saw my dad being consoled, I saw the coffin, I saw my brother. I was seeing the future," this is how I die, I don't get to have a wedding or have kids, THIS IS HOW I DIE!". While all these were going on in my eyes (it wasn't in my mind or head, I was seeing it), I was still, I stopped moving. I originally stopped moving to see if I would float but when that wasn't working, reality set in. "It's a lie, I refuse to die this way and if this is how I die, I'm going out fighting". I decided to make the biggest raucous I could make in that water. I wanted to cause such an underwater disturbance that would attract attention. My reflexes took over - I took a breath involuntarily, water rushed in. I closed my mouth, held my nose with my hands. Nope, didn't stop reflex, I took another breath and gotmore water in my lungs. It didn't look good. I had to do something. It was time to fight.

So I started trashing around, flailing my hands and legs about. I had to cause a scene, someone had to see me struggling. Somebody, anybody, please, heeelllllppppp ....... . . . . . . . . . . . . . Then, it got quiet, very quiet. It was dark too, pitch black. I was out, underwater. Yup, I passed out, fainted, semi died while under the water with no one noticing anything.

Gasp, another gasp. I was hearing voices, kinda muffled though. I couldn't see. The voices became clearer: "who knows CPR?". Someone kept asking. "He's breathing", someone else said. I was beginning to see blurry images and I was still gasping for air. My lungs were hurting real bad. It was very painful taking those breaths but I needed it. I didn't know what was happening. I was laid on the floor next to the pool (or deck, whatever) face up, then I was turned over. A lot of people were looking at me, looking shocked. Then it hit me - I'M ALIVE!!! I SURVIVED!!!

I asked to lay for a bit and was then transferred to a pool chair. I kept gasping for about 5 mins and then I was able to breath normally, my lungs still hurt though. My sister was crying and I heard she was freaking out before I woke up, slapping me and hitting me to wake me up (only time she could have gotten away with it). She sat with me and refused to go back in the pool. I finally convinced her to go have fun. Then I asked someone what happened, how was I discovered? Apparently, when I passed out, I ended up floating face down. My friend that went to the deep end with me then saw me and was making a joke that I was swimming. When he called out for me and I refused to answer, he prodded me and I didn't respond. That was when he knew something was wrong and dragged me out. From the time that someone said he saw me waving in the water to when I pulled out was estimated to be about 3 minutes. It doesn't look like a long time but I believe that's about how long the human brain can go without oxygen. CPR was not performed and my lungs were able to resume function on it's own. The crazy thing was, while I was in the pool, fighting for my life, people saw me and they thought I was playing. Someone next to me in the water even said she thought I was just fooling around.

I spent the next couple of days on webmd and medical sites trying to research effects of drowning and my fear was brain damage. Being without air for 3 mins has a very high probability of shutting your brain down and you're basically a vegetable before you die. I was without air for that time but my brain didn't shut down. I saw my doctor the next Monday and his nurses wanted to refuse me from seeing the doctor. They said I needed to go to the emergency room. I had to convince them that I drowned 2 days before and it was sort of too late for an emergency. My doctor even scolded me for going to the deep end when I knew I couldn't swim (he's a Nigerian too so I heard a bit). He gave me some medication to dry out my lungs and what not. He knew not to tell my parents or I would sue him for breaking patient-doctor confidentiality. I told my parents, I fell in and took a gulp and the drugs were just as a precaution. My dad laughed at me, if only he knew how close I was on knocking on heaven's door.

My parents still don't know the real and full details to this day, I plan on telling them though, when my mum won't freak out. I've since gotten a Bachelor's degree, started my Masters program, broken up with that girlfriend and done a lot of other things (mostly good) and so again, I have to say THANK YOU JESUS!!!

There's still one more saga in this series, the testimony never finish. I'm about start the script for Great Escape III - The Rear Endings.

Ibiluv and Mz. Dee, I hope you guys get first and second comments.

Great Escape I - The Rollover

2008-08-11T10:41:00.004-04:00

So I got a new car 2 weeks ago and of course, I had to have insurance on the car so I called up good ol' GEICO (US residents know who they are) and requested a quote. The rep then asked me about any previous accidents and I said yeah, I have a couple. Well, I ended up listing 3 accidents (only 1 was my fault o) and that got me thinking on how fortunate I've been to have escaped death numerous times. It turned out that for the past 4 years, I've had a great escape every year, so I've decided to come and share my testimonies with you.

First, help me thank God that I survived this past week. My familique ended up going to Disney for like 5 days so I've been catching up on my sleep, movies and games. Aahhhhh, peace at last, well, till Wednesday when they return for another couple of days.

Okay, to the real thing. I'll start with the first one: June 2004; father's day.
My dad used to have this SUV (or 'jeep' as those kind of cars are called in naija) - Isuzu Trooper. The car was nice and all, moved well and being a car enthusiast, I made sure that car was on point; washed, tires shining, interior sparkling. Well, this Sunday, all that wouldn't count. My mom, my sister and I went to church, did church and headed back home with me driving. Our route back home included us taking a highway with a speed limit of 70mph (about 115kmh). We were in the middle of this wooded highway, cruising along at 72mph in the fast lane when I observed that one of the tires on the driver's side was sounding and feeling somehow.

I told my mom that one of the tires was not sounding too good. She just said take it easy, we'll let your dad know and get it checked out. Being careful, I decided to drop to the slow lane and reduced my speed. I looked in the outside passenger mirror and I saw a car beside me so I decided to slow down some more and let the car pass so I can get in the slow lane. At that point, it seemed as if that car was slowing down too because it wouldn't pass me. I believe I had dropped to about 50mph (about 80kmh) by now because I actually looked at the speedometer. Then I heard the noise - BANG!!!

"I'm still in the fast lane, the road is about to curve to the right, the dividing median is just grass, no guard rails, the left rear tire has just blown and the car is seriously pulling to the left, I need to keep this car steady and get it to stop". These were the thoughts going through my head when I heard that sound. The car started pulling to the left towards the median and oncoming traffic and I was trying to steer the car to the right to keep it straight while gently applying the brakes. My sister who was reading a novel in the back thought I was playing and started yelling at me to stop fooling around. My mum who realized what was going on was calling on Jesus, me? I had my two hands on the wheel, looking straight and calculating all sort in my head, because at this point the road was beginning to curve to the right which means I'll have to turn the wheel right twice as much - to keep the car from pulling left and to make the car follow the curve.

I was doing good. I had controlled the car for almost a mile but I think I was more focused on keeping the car steady than stopping the car. I had my foot off the gas but I don't think I was pressing the brake hard enough. Of course, I didn't want to slam the brakes either. At the middle of the curve, the car took a violent jerk to the left which led me to return fire and forcefully turn the wheel right. I wanted to avoid a head on collision at all costs. That turn of the wheel sent the car in an acute right turn and next thing I know, the two right wheels come off the ground and the car lands on it's side and the rumble began.

It was the loudest noise I had ever heard. I was quiet throughout but my mum was still calling Jesus and my sister was still screaming. A million thoughts crossed my mind. I was worried about flying glass cutting my neck and me bleeding out. I could hear everybody else screaming so they are alive but the rumble wasn't over. We were being slammed over and over again. I opened my eyes and I saw glass and dust particles flying around, I closed them again. " Please don't let us land upside down", I prayed and then it got quiet except for the radio still playing gospel music. The engine had shut off. I opened my eyes and looked around. My mum called me and I answered, my sister was wailing in the back. What just happened? There's a bunch of trees right in front of the car and we are on the grass. Thankfully, we landed back on all four wheels or at least what was left of it.

I opened the door and I saw people reaching out and asking if I was fine. I still didn't understand what just happened. "Sit down", "take a seat", everyone kept saying but I wanted to know what happened. "Your truck just rolled over", someone said. "How many times?", I asked. "A lot, about 8 times", someone answered. I felt dizzy, I was staggering. People tried to grab me but I wanted to be left alone, I just crashed my dad's car. Damn!!!

I walked around and my sister was on the floor with one of her toes bleeding. The cops came and the ambulance followed. The fire truck was pulling up also. Cars were lined up on both sides of the road. People were crossing 4 lanes of traffic from the other side to come to our aid. That car was banged up. It looked like someone took a huge hammer and just started beating on the car, but I was fine. All I had were some scratches on my left hand. My sister cut her toe and my mum had no physical injuries. She later had issues from her sternum being compressed by the impacts of the car hitting the ground and I found out later that I had a much milder situation also but we were alive. We all wore our seat belts which held us down. My bible was in the back seat and only my window was shattered. Well, I picked up my bible about 700ft from where our car stopped. The window that was blown out was held together by the tint film and I picked that up even farther out.

Next to where our car came to rest were 3 erected crucifixes which meant 3 people died there. I took a look and it was fresh. I could still the tracks of the car that plowed into those trees, I even saw the glass from that car. I drive by that spot very often now and each time I'm thankful. We didn't need the fire truck or the ambulance. The police wrote their report and the car was towed away. We all survived the accident in a spot that had just claimed 3 lives. I don't like SUVs anymore due to their high chances of a rollover but He that watches over me neither sleeps nor slumbers. I know because I've had more close calls over the next couple of years but I'm still here.

Coming soon: Great Escape II - The Drowning

Stay tuned!

2008-08-06T10:17:00.012-04:00

So I've been quiet in writing a new blog. Pardon me. I've suddenly landed a new job of nanny. I'm actually writing this from my phone while at work.
My cousin and her two kids came in from jand last week and I thought it would be a routine visit of 3 weeks but now I know I have my work cut out for me. One of the kids is a 6 year old boy. He didn't talk to anyone on the ride from the airport but once he saw that I had an xbox 360, I became his best uncle. How sweet??? NO!!!
this kid has made it his duty to bother me the minute I walk in the door from work about playing the xbox. Unfortunately, I don't have any kid games. My games are gory; guns and blood and stuff. I can't have the kid having nightmares 'cause of a game he played. I try to avoid him playing with the system 'cause all he does is bang on the controls.
The kid is smart though. He's figured out how to work the remote for the tv. In short, now before I leave the house, I hide my remotes and unplug my gadgets. That kid is always hyper y'all. Jumping from chairs, bed, stairs and pressing every button. He almost closed the garage door on my head one time. He needs to be watched 24/7. I can't complain though. I was just like that at his age so I know what my parents went through.

The sister is 12 and so she's got a bit of the teenage girl attitude - ignoring you, staying in her room with a romance novel all day. But when she decides to play, Lord have mercy. I came close to going nuts last night. These kids were screaming and kicking all over. Now I know not to let them have ice cream after 9pm.

Their mum? Poor woman hasn't adjusted to the time difference yet so she sleeps London and Florida night times. Even if she's adjusted, she probably needs the rest. She's dealing with some bastard idiot good for nothing nonsensical gogolarity of a husband. I'm not going to talk about that though, God dey!

So pardon my scattered presence in blogosphere. I have testimonies to share and soon as I can take a break from my second job, I will need you to say halleluyah for me. No be girl testimony o, this na serious something.

Wow, in between dodging coworkers and pretending to work, I finished this. I love my iPhone. I'm coming o, stay tuned. I'll be right back.

Oh, by the way, the mum's sister (also my cousin) comes in tonight from Detroit with her little boy also. I don't think I can handle the next few days with all these kids around. PLEASE, pray for me. If you don't see my testimony by Sunday, start fasting.

Aug. 07 UPDATE
Okay, seriously fellow blogosians. Please start fasting for me from now. Two 5 and 6 year old boys in the house is so not fun. All I've been hearing is screaming and fighting and running. I went to bed early last night with a headache after giving up on chasing the boys. I'm going to start getting mad at the mums now, they need to control their seeds.
Oh, did I mention that the 6 year old snores? No, real snoring like gear 4 and gear 5. Being the kid's "best uncle", he's decided to be sleeping in my room. Unfortunately, when I sleep, my ears don't sleep. I wake up to the slightest sound. I've been losing about 2 hours of sleep every night and this last night wasn't any different. I woke up with bloodshot eyes because I spent the whole night kicking the boy and counting sheep.
Oh, wait! I think they are going to Disney for a few days tomorrow. Some peace for me. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them being around, I just don't have the capability (lemme speak small grammar) to handle all of these adrenalin rushes these kids are having.

Disclaimer
Coz, in case you're reading this by any highly slim chance and can figure out who the players in this blog are, I'm not against you or your kids o.

I ain't saying she's a gold digger

2008-07-26T23:59:00.003-04:00

So I met this girl some weeks ago and we exchanged numbers. Fine Caribbean cutie, tall and lepa with her lip gloss popping which only made those lips more inviting. Hmm, I wanted to get with this chick, I just can't let that ass roll away like that.

We started talking and hanging out. Anyways, after like a couple of weeks of talking and talking on the phone and hanging out, I wanted to get to the point. She had told me she did not like to drink alcohol cause she gets drunk very quickly. Well, one night around 1am, while we were out, we went into this bar. I was driving later so I ordered sprite (I don't drink and drive). My 'non drinking' friend wanted this creamy drink that was sweet and the bartender served her Baileys. In my mind I'm thinking, hmmm, which levels? She said the drink wasn't as sweet as the one she had some months before and the waitress said she'll add Kahlua on the next shot. My mind was smiling, this is interesting. She downed another mixture of baileys and Kahlua and after about 5 minutes, my friend stumbled off her bar stool and almost fell. Ohhh, it's soo going down tonight. What a perfect opportunity - we were already kinda feeling up on each other and now she's getting tipsy? During the walk back to the car, I checked my wallet for my Durex; present, ever ready. Me and this girl? Na tonight, make we reach house.

After 2 minutes of getting in the car, she fell asleep. Kai, why now? Well, I figured since we're not home yet, she could take a quick nap. I wanted to be like J. Holiday - "... time to finish, round 2 around 2" (Bed). Then AA showed up and started thinking about it. (Read my about me for who AA is). "She's kinda drunk and somewhat vulnerable, this is not right. I shouldn't take advantage of her", AA thought. That AA sef too dey righteous. In the long run, AA won the fight and I dropped her off and told her to sleep it off. But the fight was not over for me o.

While talking a couple of days after, she asked me what did I want from her and I threw the question back at her immediately. She told me she wanted a friend, a close friend. A friend who won't think nasty thoughts if she walked around the house naked in front of him. HAAA!!!

Right there, I told her to stop. "If you walk around me naked, I'm not going to ignore you. I will grab that ass and I'll probably be on your titties also and you know what's coming next" Those were my exact words to her. Remember I told you this girl was set all around. I swear, this had to be better than Jamaican ganja (not like I've had it before o). Anyways, she started tripping and was like why do all the guys she hangs out with end up trying to sleep with her? (Err, maybe cause you have a nice body??? duh).

I said I wasn't about sex but I can't be that kind of friend that will see you naked and look away. She asked so what did I want from her and I told her I would love to tap that ass. "We can be friends if you want but honestly, my thinking right now is me, you and my Durex" (I play safe, thank you). Of course, I apologized for being rude or too blunt and I didn't say it like that but I was being real. Abeg, forget all that courtesy crap, this is BB not AA. I tell it the way I see it, I no send.
She didn't trip though, she just smiled and said she was confused emotionally. Apparently she was caught up in some feelings for her ex boyfriend from 2 years ago and feelings for her ex from 2 months ago. So she did not want to get involved in anything right now besides platonic friendship. Rubbish, na me send am message???

No problem, good things come to those who wait right? What I didn't know was if I wanted to tap that ass, I would need to start paying up (was that even guaranteed?)
After a week or so, she called me up and we were talking about her sister that came into the country but needed to go out of state. OK?? She then asked me to buy her GPS so she can drive her sister out of town. I laughed and said no, why should I? She said because I'm her friend. I told her nope, I'm not balling like that. Then she got pissed and she started dissing me, calling me stingy and some other synonyms. I just told her I didn't have time for all that nonsense and hung up.
She called me 2 or 3 days later and was like why haven't I called her? I told her I've been busy with exams and I told her I didn't appreciate her dissing me either. I didn't care anymore since she kinda denied my 'tapping request'. She then got mad because I didn't appreciate her name calling charade (see me see trouble o). This time I didn't even bother talking, I just hung up. I don't have time for all that drama.

8:30am, two days later I got this text: "Can you borrow me some money to fix my brakes?" You should have seen me laughing at work. This chick was mega tripping. No, this bitch was super tripping. Am I her boyfriend or her sugar daddy (I'm not even that old sef)? I hit delete and continued my work like nothing happened. That was 3 weeks ago; she hasn't contacted me since then and I'm not even interested anymore.
I think I can kiss that ass goodbye. I'm moving on and I got my eyes set on this fine piece of ass. Wait, I think she has a band on her wedding finger. I need to confirm that before somebody goes ape shit on me.

Too close of a friend ???

2008-07-23T10:59:00.010-04:00

So there's this girl that I liked and what not and I finally mustered some strength to talk to her. Actually we've been friends for some time, almost 2 years now. She lives about 4 hours away though so we're mostly phone/facebook friends. We've met quite a few times, she'll come down to my side with her friends, I'll go up there and what not. At one point, we became close friends, talking and chatting about all sort of things for hours. We would talk for hours, day or night.

So what took me so long to talk to her? The timing was never right. When she was single, I was involved, when I was single, she was involved. The one time we were both single was when we just met and I didn't know much about her yet. Now we're both single and we just saw each other recently so I figured I'll let her know how I feel.

Well, I did and she responded with the line of "I see you as my very close friend". So I decided to give her some time to let it sink in. We still talked, not as much as before though, cracking our normal jokes as if nothing happened but the topic had to come up again so after all the jokes one night like 2 weeks later, I brought it up. I mean I couldn't act like I didn't tell you something and we can't ignore it forever. She maintained her stand of her not seeing me as her boyfriend because we're close friends. I even tried to swing it saying well, wouldn't you rather date someone you know well than someone you don't know well but she won't change her mind. She just didn't think of me that way. Of course she had the excuse of being a first year med student (ok, I'm in grad school too so???).

When it looked like it wasn't working in my favor, I dropped the topic, closed the discussion and went back to the "friend" mode. My gentle and good side won't force the issue. But this is what I don't get - what is wrong with dating someone you're close to? We're not even close like that, we don't talk about sex (not in details like that) and we never talked much about our exes sef, so it's not like I know all the nutty details about her, plus we don't even see that often, may once every 4 months and sometimes, we only talk like once a week. Even on facebook, we don't talk that much besides making crazy comments on each other's pictures or writing normal wassup on our pages. One thing I can confirm is there was attraction from both sides. Maybe she lost hers' along the way, I don't know but there definitely was attraction.

So if someone can explain this "close friend" phenomenon, please break it down for me.
As for the girl, I've fashied that topic. I'm not going to be forcing anyone for anything. Maybe I'll even save some gas money sef.

Also, I should mention, I'm not looking for advice o, I just need to understand this 'cant date my close friend' phenomenon, maybe the ladies can explain why close friends can't be boyfriend. Guys are welcome to drop their explanation also.

A for apple, B for boy, C for ...

2008-07-19T23:52:00.004-04:00

So I'm new to this blog thing. While I have ideas of what I want to start writing about, I haven't had the time to sit down and put them together. So for now, I'm looking at someone's page and putting up similar posts but in my own words (where I need them).

These are my ABCs

A. Attached or Single?
Single (Was loving it but not so much anymore)

B. Best Friends?
My alter ego

C. Cake or Pie?
Cake

D. Day of Choice?
Friday - I get to dress down and it's the start of the weekend

E. Essential Item?
Wallet. (Must have my ID with me)

F. Favorite Color?
Blue (any shade, used to be grey)

G. Greatest accomplishment?
As of today, halfway through my graduate program

H. Hometown?
Wont give home town but home state is OSUN

I. Indulgences?
I wish I had one.

J. January or July?
July (Half way thru the year)

K. Kids?
Nope. When I'm married, sure!

L. Life is incomplete without?
God, then my computer(s) or iphone and internet

M. Marriage date?
Hmmm, let me be involved first

N. Number of siblings?
2

O. Oranges or apples?
I like the juice.

P. Phobias or fears?
Phobia. I overcame one today though - I swam in a pool since I drowned 3 years ago.

Q. Quotes?
I have a few but I like this one:
Sometimes, we stare so long at a door that's closing that we see too late the one that's opening

R. Reason to smile?
Just because I like my smile (vain???)

S. Season?
Cold leaves and it gets warm (I don't like the cold)

T. Tag three friends?
I only have one so far so I guess:
Enigma

U. Unknown fact about me?
You don't know me

V. Very favorite store?
I don't shop but maybe EBganes, lol

W. Worst habit?
I bite my nails and I've tried stopping but I keep slipping

X. X-ray or ultrasound?
I've had both (long story) but definitely X-ray

Y. Your favorite food
Eba!!!

Z. Zodiac?
Sagittarius

Thought You Said

2008-07-18T12:10:00.000-04:00

MEME Rules
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle

2. For each question, press the next button to get your
answer.

3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people
and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme
themselves!

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Because of who you are – Vicki yohe (I'm not judgmental)

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Full moon - brandy (I swear I'm not a werewolf)

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Falling – J. Holiday (Clueless??)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Try a little tenderness – Michael Buble

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Jolanta – Earl klugh (Earl needs to give me the lyrics to that jazz)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
It’s 5 o’clock somewhere – Alan Jackson (I don't even drink that often)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Come a little closer - brandy

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Anybody - brandy (Fine girls only)

WHAT IS 2+2?
It’s in your eyes – Phil Collins (You know)

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Time machine – Tpain

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
My regret – Banky W (Ha, so true, listen to the lyrics)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I wanna know your ways – Fred Hammond (Amen brother)

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Please don’t pass me by – Fred Hammond

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
You’ll never find another love like mine – Michael buble (You betcha)

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
M’lady – Gerald levert (Errr, I'm a dude)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Wind am well – D’banj (Shake what ya mama gave you)

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
You are my song – Fred Hammond (Gotta go out in praise)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Fever – Michael Buble (I've always had a thing for medicine)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Doing it big – Canton Jones

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Down low (nobody has to know) – R. Kelly (WHAT?? :O)

WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Thought you said – diddy

Welcoming myself

2008-07-18T12:01:00.002-04:00

Na wa for blogging o.
I just wrote a long blog about something and I wiped it off with one button and started this one.
I don't write and I don't read. Not literally of course (I'm writing now, duh). I mean anything besides school books, I don't read and anything besides school paper, I don't write. Oh, I lied, work stuff too. You get the drift, flow with it, lol.

I'm sorta having fun with this though. I'm looking at blogs and I'm getting a hang of things. I saw some blogs that had some personal stuffs there and hmmm, I don't know o.
I'm a reserved person, I don't talk much especially about personal things so it's going to be some work for me to get to that level. Of course, I don't have to write anything personal and again, personal to some people may not be personal to other people. I'll let my alter ego do all that. My alter ego is crazy, in fact, I'm surprised myself.
I'm sure you'll 'meet' him someday. I'll introduce him as he'll be writing sometimes too.

For now, I'm just trying to warm up to the blogging world and catch a better grip on things. I already have 2 friends (shout out to Enigma and Buttercup) so I'm getting excited about this. I just finished a semester and all I have now is work so I'll have lots of time to write away. I can't forget my 360 and my movies though but I'll squeeze in a few minutes every now and then.
On this note, I welcome myself to the blogging world.