Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Too close of a friend ???

So there's this girl that I liked and what not and I finally mustered some strength to talk to her. Actually we've been friends for some time, almost 2 years now. She lives about 4 hours away though so we're mostly phone/facebook friends. We've met quite a few times, she'll come down to my side with her friends, I'll go up there and what not. At one point, we became close friends, talking and chatting about all sort of things for hours. We would talk for hours, day or night.

So what took me so long to talk to her? The timing was never right. When she was single, I was involved, when I was single, she was involved. The one time we were both single was when we just met and I didn't know much about her yet. Now we're both single and we just saw each other recently so I figured I'll let her know how I feel.

Well, I did and she responded with the line of "I see you as my very close friend". So I decided to give her some time to let it sink in. We still talked, not as much as before though, cracking our normal jokes as if nothing happened but the topic had to come up again so after all the jokes one night like 2 weeks later, I brought it up. I mean I couldn't act like I didn't tell you something and we can't ignore it forever. She maintained her stand of her not seeing me as her boyfriend because we're close friends. I even tried to swing it saying well, wouldn't you rather date someone you know well than someone you don't know well but she won't change her mind. She just didn't think of me that way. Of course she had the excuse of being a first year med student (ok, I'm in grad school too so???).

When it looked like it wasn't working in my favor, I dropped the topic, closed the discussion and went back to the "friend" mode. My gentle and good side won't force the issue. But this is what I don't get - what is wrong with dating someone you're close to? We're not even close like that, we don't talk about sex (not in details like that) and we never talked much about our exes sef, so it's not like I know all the nutty details about her, plus we don't even see that often, may once every 4 months and sometimes, we only talk like once a week. Even on facebook, we don't talk that much besides making crazy comments on each other's pictures or writing normal wassup on our pages. One thing I can confirm is there was attraction from both sides. Maybe she lost hers' along the way, I don't know but there definitely was attraction.

So if someone can explain this "close friend" phenomenon, please break it down for me.
As for the girl, I've fashied that topic. I'm not going to be forcing anyone for anything. Maybe I'll even save some gas money sef.

Also, I should mention, I'm not looking for advice o, I just need to understand this 'cant date my close friend' phenomenon, maybe the ladies can explain why close friends can't be boyfriend. Guys are welcome to drop their explanation also.

15 comments:

Enigma said...

lmao! sorry o, i dont understand too, women help!

NaijaBabe said...

LOL
I'm a girl and I have absolutely no clue....I'd have thought it was much easier and better with someone whom you'd been friends with.
There's probably something she isnt telling you.

Invisible said...

Enigma and naijababe, thanks for stopping by.
Well, if she's not telling me something, I guess I'm not as close as she claims then.

archiwiz said...

I wish I knew oh... Apparently she's wary about something. Maybe you need to kind of how her how to see you in that way...Or, as naijababe said, she might not be telling you something.

Afrobabe said...

Dating a close friend is like dating a brother, we have come to trust you and dont want to think of ourselves as someone you have been lusting over this long...

Plus we know u to much...we know what you did to the last girl....

Lady said...

buhahahah... AGREE WIV BOTH LADIES....the third explaination could be that......
she is no longer attracted.....or does not see u as someone she could potentially have a fruitful relationship wiv..so intstead of taking that risk..she'll rather be assured of being ur friend ..always....
MANY TIMES A GIRL GENUINELY DOES ENJOY THE COMPANY OF A PARTICULAR GUY......but doesnt see him as a potential boyfriend..even when she finds herself having lil crushes on him.....THESE CRUSHES ARE PROLLY ONLY DUE TO THE FACT THAT THEY CAN TALK ON A COMFORTABLE LEVEL.....
p.s: *breathless*....koko lurrrrrrve xoxo

Invisible said...

Archiwiz, maybe I'll ask her and hear what she has to say.

Lady koko, I feel you. It's possible she's no longer attracted (result of wasting too much time, lol). Oh well, her loss. Yup!

Thanks for gracing my blog folks.

ibiluv said...

I'm with afro on this.......she probably knows all your past exploits and u know hers.......u are like a brother- i dont see me shagging mi brother*&^%$#.....or she's just not attracted to u like that........

but then again......ask her....

Chari said...

hmmn....if u ask me...u should been more SUBTLE...very much so...I feel u can still turn the steering on things...change ur mindset...from friend mode to..."I am your friend buh I can bite..."
see once that pathway is made in her head u convert from bein a brother friend to bein a friend with prospects...

I wish we could sit down and talk and I could explain properly cuz it I sound rather sketchy

Invisible said...

Ibiluv, I don't believe we are that close though. So she knows my ex and I know my ex. I don't know what happened between them though and we don't talk about past relationships like that sef.

Chari, turn the steering? I don't know o. I'm not mad crazy about this girl (at least not anymore). Maybe I'll try sha, if I feel up to it. Thanks though.

Buttercup said...

oh shit..i typed a long ass comment only for it not to get posted..aaaaaaaargh!

i'l just summarise...its the lil things a guy does that trigger a huge attraction(for me anywayz)..so maybe she just needs a pair of 'glasses' to see wats under her nose...

P.S...wat i typed before made much more sense than this..

Invisible said...

The same thing just happened to me, my comment was not posted. Arrrgh.
If I can recall correctly, I think I said y'all are making me have second thoughts, especially you and Chari. Hmmmm... to reattempt or not to????

Buttercup said...

lol wat is up wit blogger??

yea..go for it, goooo!

miz-cynic said...

to put it simply""like boys to men song......u waited until the water ran dry , thts why she said she dont see u tht way, sorry.u should hv struck wen the iron was hot

Unknown said...

k
no advice
nice though to offload ur chest