Wednesday, December 17, 2008
Thanks to Tigeress who let me know she could blog at work and since we're in the same field, I decided to try and guess what? I can blog too, yay! Don't expect me to be doing this often though.
So what have I been up to?
Well, I finished this semester and my grades were flying. I'm so proud of myself. Who knew all that hard work and typing thousands of words and pages of jargons could translate to super good grades. Why are there no honor colleges for graduate schools or am I just in the dark about them?
Work is going swell. Really busy but I'm working it. Somehow, I find myself being diligent, so diligent that I'm even working from home after getting home and on the weekends. I'm so proud of myself too. There's no overtime pay, I'm not hourly so all that extra is just extra but I'm diligent. Whatever.
I'm dry today. I think it's because I'm doing this from work. I'm trying to speed things up so I can get back to work like an ant or should I say busy bee.
Today is my birthday, fellow blogosians. I wasn't going to announce it but hey, I'm alive to thank Baba God so why not. How old am I? Aren't you a nosy person? If you know, you know, if not ... oops, lol.
Sagittarius rocks y'all.
So I've been going about not dating until whenever. I've been ranting about me enjoying and living up my single life but guess what? I re-met somebody. Yes, I said re-met because we met years ago and we just said hello hello. Our dads are friends but we never had any interaction till about a couple of months ago and we just hit it off.
I'm not going to go into any details beyond this for now.
I'll try and update more often. I'll try my best. I'm still going to be spaced out though. I'm still adjusting to having 12 hours of my day diverted for work alone and 6 diverted towards sleep and 6 for whatever.
I'll get in the groove though.
Thanks to those who already wished me a happy birthday in one way or the other (you know yourselves).
Monday, December 1, 2008
I've been a bad citizen of blogosphere. I literarily went invisible and invincible.
It was not intentional though. Some changes occured that got me tied down, good changes of course. I got busier , much busier, almost too busy for myself.
I won't go into details now but I decided that today, right now, this very moment, oh crap, my query died! Oops, I'm talking about work now. I was waiting for this query to finish running and the stupid thing died because some file was full? What kind of stupid error is that?
I digressed, pardon me.
Yes, as I was saying. I said right now, I will pause everything and update. In fact, I paused my mp3 that was crooning Etcetera in my ears. The guy was boring me anyways, lol.
Blogosians, I'm still here o. Please accept my apologetic apologies. I've been reading your blogs when I can, I just don't comment often because it's a long thing when you're using your phone. The phone is coming handy in updating now though.
Plenty stories. I will get into them one by one. I will update properly today (amen) from a pc when I get home tonight.
Thanks to all that asked after me and asked me to update. Like the terminator said, "I'll be back", hehehe
Monday, October 27, 2008
This happened a while ago, actually last summer so over a year ago but it was and is still a funny story so enjoy.
Not that I couldn't have paid her the money and still give her tips but the bottom line was that was the cash on me. I don't carry cash, I hate carrying cash. The notes make my wallet thicker and when I pay with cash, I have to deal with loose change. I hate change so I don't carry cash. That's why debit cards were invented but God forbid I swipe my card at a strip club or even a regular club. Forget opening tabs at the bar. I don't drink and drive anyway and I ALWAYS drive. When I buy drinks for people at the club, it's cash.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
The funny thing is I have some skeleton drafts of things I wanted to talk about in the past that I just need to add some flesh to but I'm also trying to carry you guys along previous posts.
I guess I will just close the story on the stain on my shirt. The how it got there involved me and girl, (duh???). How her head or face got to my torso, I'll leave up to your imagination.
Speaking of stains, I was out this weekend for a party and I looked at the shirt I wore the next day and saw another stain on the chest area. This time, it looked like lipstick, I don't think anyone would be wearing that kind of color for a powder, it was like dark pinkish purple. Abeg, leave me joo, I don't know all those make up colors. What was lipstick doing on my chest? I don't know either. Maybe some girl was mega horny and was "trying" to suck something (I don't have man boobs o). If that was the case, the girl could have easily just told me. That was for you dirty minded people. For the clean minded folks, maybe I took a picture (I took a few) and a girl turned her face into my shirt.
School work is going to be light for me this week. All the professors seemed to have cooled down or maybe I just put in extra effort. I think it's the latter 'cause I've even completed a project that's not due until next Tuesday and so my ass is not going to school next Tuesday. That was the condition, if you finish it by last Tuesday, take next week off. Of course, I have other projects but we'll see sha.
Imagine o, I came into work, logged into my system and the first thing I did was update. I have work emails that need to be read o. I'm going, you people will not get me fired before I quit.
Sunday, September 28, 2008
So I wanted to sample you people and see how nasty you people think I am or how nasty you people are.
I sorta arranged the options from the top down, it can also pass as a least nasty - more nasty list but maybe not. In all, 20 people voted. I know you can see the result but I'm feeling like a typist and I want to type it. If I vex, I'll get to writing and make all of you read my duck scratch, that's better than chicken scratch right??
So 60% (12) of you thought it was from a hug. Awww, how innocent. Girl walks in, sees boy, says hello and gives hug therefore staining the shirt on the shoulder. Perfect scenario but WRONG!!!
25% (5) thought it was from a kiss. Double awww. Not so innocent but still innocent. Girl walks in, sees boy, says hello and gives a kiss on the cheek or lips (not impossible) therefore staining shirt on collar. Perfect scenario but WRONG!!!
10% (2) thought it was from sucking. Sucking what???? The two of you that voted groin and you know yourself, you are NASTY!!! But it's not impossible. It was at a friend's house and there were rooms we could have disappeared to for a quick quickie therefore staining the shirt in the groin area. Not a perfect scenario but not impossible and WRONG!!!
So nobody voted for nothing. You guys don't think I can lie? Awww, you guys see me as a truthful person, that's so nice, guys. Well, my shirt really did get stained so ...
Wait, I skipped one - 1 person, 5% voted torso. I need this person to come out o. Please show yourself, I have an award for you. Abi, did I vote for myself? My nice white with blue stripes TM Lewin shirt got stained on the torso or chest/belly area, take your pick. So how did it happen??? Till that person that voted comes forward to claim his/her prize, I won't say.
All of you that said it couldn't have been stained in the groin area, don't be deceived o. Sexcapades will never make on blogger though so we'll leave it at that.
Ladies and gentlemoimoi, the one person who voted correctly has been identified. Give it up for Stinger (if you're lying, I will send a pit bull to you). For your award, scroll down to the next red text.
Before I forget, I got the certified honest blogger award and you will have to forgive me but I forgot who gave me. I got it from 2 people actually and I'm too lazy to go dig up who. I also forgot the rules but I know I have to pass it to some people and display it??
Anyways, this is my acceptance speech.
First, I'd like to thank the Lord who made it possible for me to be here today. I'd like to thank my family for their support. My parents who didn't spare the rod and the slaps when I destroyed things just because I wanted to see what made it work.
My brother, Enigma who used to refuse to let me ride with him when he was going out to his friends. Also my sister. You don't know her so leave her alone.
I'll also like to thank my director - my desktop computer, my producer - my laptop/tablet, my screenwriter - my work computer and I cannot forget my makeup artist who's always there with me.
You don't understand, guys. This person makes up for everything my director and producer can't do. When I'm on the go, he's there, when I'm sleeping, he's there. He makes sure I can check blogger at 1am on my bed when my producer and director are in bed. On many occasions, my makeup artist lets me shoot movies and he makes sure the producer gets it right. I've been mean to him guys and I want to apologize. I've dropped him, I've thrown him and I've threatened to replace him, even as recent as 3 days ago. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a standing ovation to my make up artist - my phone the iPhone. *oya, stand and clap now*
Okay, the band has started playing the song to get me off stage so I need to round up. I will like to share this Certified Honest Blogger award with the following people:
Enigma (about time you got one dammit)
Tigeress (shey you will be nice to me now)
Tisha (I actually do think you are honest)
Naija Babe (keep being the meanie you are)
Bumight (we cool now??)
Jarrai (I owe you a diagnosis, I didn't forget o)
Agbero (Abeg, where Sikira dey now?)
Stinger (You don't have one yet, do you?)
They are coming to chase me off the stage now o. If I didn't mention your name, I have you on reserve and if you already got the award, don't be greedy, return it. I can get some change for it on eBay.
The story is coming o people. I was feeling hyper and wanted to type something by force tonight.
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
How about you tell me where you think the stain is and then I'll confirm or deny.
A poll has been put up above, vote your guess.
Let me give you guys more details, something I neglected to mention.
I was not at a club. I was at a friend's house with a few other friends and a bunch of girls showed up and it turned into a mini club scene. The lights were down/out - the only light was coming from a laptop screen (perfect for some deeds *wink*).
Feel free to change your vote if you think these details offer a better insight.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
So who called me out of the blue? You guessed it: Gold digger. Who else would it be? I talk to 'too close of a friend' every now and then. I've been doing more of online chatting instead of phone conversations. I can't be bothered jare.
Anyways, after like 2 months or so of silence, my phone rings from a blocked number. Normally, I would ignore it but some naija calls come through as blocked so I picked up and at first, the line went dead. I was like, if this person is flashing me from naija, he or she has missed it big time 'cause I didn't see the number. The phone rings again, blocked number. Hello??? Hellooo?? "Hey" said the voice. I almost bursted out laughing. I called her name just to confirm and she answered. Okay? What's up? She said she wanted to call and say hello since I abandoned her and bla bla bla. I don't have time for this nonsense. I told her to call me back in an hour.
I typed everything before this about a week ago. A couple of days, my phone rang - blocked number again. I threw the phone somewhere to be ringing. I don't have time for all these stupid games. I'm too busy for any runs now sef. Oyinbo sef gan is on break and I'm not saying anything on oyinbo now. You'll just have to wait, I have too much school work to do. Maybe next week, if the work load reduces.
That even reminds me, I need to call this one girl that was grinding on me last friday. See as the chick stain my TM Lewin shirt with brown powder, aarrggh. Well, I can't complain since I know how the powder got there *wink*. If girl gives you number, you're supposed to call within how many days sef? I've gotten rusty o, kai. What do I care? If she wan vex say I no call, make she vex jare.
Speaking of which, I got the certified blogger award twice. I know I need to pass it on but time is gold right now. Nominees coming soon.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
How did it begin?
I became single again (I'm tired of saying this but you have to understand that 4 years of being 'double' is a long time) and my parents have been watching out for who the next girl will be. What they don't realize is I've suspended being in an official relationship for the next 1 year (give or take 6 months, lol). So once my parents hear word of me talking to a girl, they want to find out who and what not. They've even made recommendations and suggestions but what is their own in this matter? I say I no do, na by force?
Anyways, I was at a family party some weeks ago and I sat with a friend that came in from out of state. We were gisting and laughing and all. I'm not close with this girl, I haven't spoken to her in like 6 months but this evening, we were like best buddies, taking pictures, making fun of each other, getting food together and all the stuffs BFFs would do. When it was time for her to leave, I walked her out to her car and promised to stay in touch. What I didn't know was my pops was watching me from across the hall. A couple of days later, my dad asked me if the girl had a boyfriend, I said none that I know of. Next thing he told me was "why don't you 'talk' to her?" I told him she was one of my many options but she was schooling in a different state and I'm not so sure I want to be driving or flying that far. Then he told me the girl's state was not too far to drive or fly to. What the heck??? This was the man that was telling one of his friends that I don't travel o (don't know who told him that) and all of a sudden traveling was not a big deal for me.
As if that was not enough, a few days ago, he asked me how far with my 'search'? What's with his obsession sef? I told him I wasn't searching and I wanted to take some time and settle myself first. I told him I wanted to focus on school, finish and get some other major things done before I bring in someone else into my personal space. My father was like, "what are you trying to settle?", "what major things am you planning that is delaying you?" Then he game me a shocker. My father asked me I wanted him to talk to any of the girls for me? Jesus!!! Why would my dad be toasting a girl for me. Of course, I gave him a huge NO! What was he going to tell them? That I'm a nice guy, gentle and caring or what? Trust me, I know my dad, if I had said 'sure, talk to them', he would have asked for any of the girls' number and called them. He then started singing this old school song about a guy that wanted to marry a girl and her parents refused and gave her to someone else. I just stood in utter disbelief. And as he walked away, he said "better don't waste time, before some other guy snatches them". Y'all should have seen the look on my face. Of course Enigma had a laugh of his day when I gave him the news.
I want some me time, I need some me time and I've got it. Someone please tell my dad to back away from my business. These sudden Americanization of my parents is something else o. I think my mum sent my dad to collect information since I've stopped giving my mum face about it. Make them free me jare. They should get on Enigma's case.
If only they know what I've been up to. If only they knew about oyinbo. Who's oyinbo? Well, leave story, let's just say BB is doing what he came to do. He's handling the kind of business AA is too righteous to handle and he's doing a good job. I am exactly where I want to be and I like it.
There are a couple of other ladies that are chasing me but are not catching me (I don't want them to catch me) and another one I am chasing but don't want to catch (what's my problem sef?).
Anyway, this is what my dad has been americanized into o. This is one of those times when being a good boy bites you in the butt. Apparently, they haven't met BB, nope, they haven't. He does a good job of hiding in the shadows.
I should clarify that my parents are not in my business like that, my pop is just funny like that. He likes using jokes to find out what's going on with you especially when it comes to girls. I'll say they are just being curious except that their curiosity is too much for me. They are not talking marriage by the way (okay, maybe my pops mentioned it once or twice). Read and laugh!
Oh people, guess who called me last week or when sef?
Fine, I'll tell you.
I cut the answer out 'cause the post got too long. The answer will be coming soon.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
Very long post alert!
The first one was on a Friday morning in October 2005. I was driving my Corolla jejeli around 7am. I was traveling on city roads trying to make my way to the highway for the 40 minute drive to work. I was on a 2 lane road and was coming up on an crossroad that allowed people leaving their subdivisions to merge on the city road. A car pulled up into the median and stayed there, probably waiting for me to pass so the car could get in behind me. At the time the driver pulled into the median, I was still far away and the person could have merged before I got there without disturbing me but she didn't. Then I guess she thought about it and decided to get in before me, only issue was at this time I was closer and I would have to brake hard to avoid hitting her.
She pulled in and I started flashing my headlights to let the driver know she was pulling a crazy move and I slowed down to let her go but the driver now decided she was going to wait instead and she stopped. Although she wasn't in my lane yet, she had stuck the front end of her car in my lane. I couldn't pass without clearing the front of her car. I slammed my brakes and hit my horns. I wanted to cut into the right lane to avoid hitting her but there was a car pulling in that lane from the other side. I slammed my brakes harder and I was able to stop just before I got to her car and then screeeeeech! BANG!!! BANG!!!
WTF just happened? Someone just plowed into my from the back. Notice there are 2 bangs above. That's because when I got hit from the back, my car was pushed and I ended up hitting the woman that pulled in front of me. At first I was dazed, I was thinking what just happened. I pulled off the road and got out of my car. Obviously, I was missing my left front headlamp and my car sounded like I had a busted muffler or silencer. The car that hit me had a smashed up front. Well in the driver's seat of this car was this cute little chick (here we go again with them pretty young things - PYT).
We did the "are you okay" formalities and what not. The airbags in PYT's car deployed and I was worried for her more cause her car didn't look good at all. I called the police and then called my mum cause I was just like 5 minutes from home. The lady that pulled in front of me was Jamaican and she was just screaming bla bla bla saying I hit her and I did this. PYT and I were looking at her like, "bitch you pulled into the road and stopped". But here, you hit someone from the back, it's your fault. PYT got a ticket and her insurance fixed my car and all. The Jamaican idiot? I don't know what happened her. I wanted her to get a ticket so bad but the cop let her off. I didn't suffer any injuries though and I still went to work with my car making the loudest noise it could make. My boss sent me back home though and my car was fixed within 10 days.
January 26, 2006, 1pm.
I had just left work and I was supposed to go to my girlfriend's (now ex) place for some afternoon rendezvous *wink* before I go to school later in the evening. I was actually on the phone with my girl when the crash happened.
There's this junction on the highway where construction was going on. The road was narrow and they were expanding the road but construction meant an even narrower road so there was always slow traffic at this place except for this afternoon. It was strange. I was cruising along and I made the bend to turn to this narrow road and I saw there was no traffic. I was happy - more time for me to enjoy this afternoon. To give you a better view, the road slopes down, then climbs up to become a bridge for a little bit. I was driving my same Corolla, except this time I had done some custom jobs on it. I put custom chrome tail lights, chrome exhaust tip, halo projector headlamps (BMW style), new brakes, new shocks, new tires. It was a stick shift (manual) but I don't race. I speed when I need to but I DON'T race. Of course, people try to race me at lights and what not but I'm smarter than that.
There was a 2003 Corolla in front of me but there was plenty of distance between us. Well, on the bridge was a traffic jam but we couldn't see it because we're on the lower part of the slope. Cars got to the bridge and slowed down. The car in front of the corolla got to the bridge and slammed the brakes, the corolla behind it did the same. I saw the sudden stop and I hit my brakes also and I started hearing the screech. "Why is my car not stopping?" I tried again and it kept screeching, I was slowing down but I was sliding also, time for some quick thinking. I looked to my right thinking I could cut into that lane but there was a car there. There was an exit on the left, I checked my left to see if I could make the exit but there was a blue mazda 626 with a guy sitting in the passenger's side and he had his hand outside. If I cut left for the exit, I will not only hit the car, I will crush the dude's hand and I will probably crash into the median/divider. Then BAM!!! The deed had been done.
I looked up and saw my hood or bonnet all bent up. The airbags didn't deploy which meant I slowed down considerably since those things are supposed to fire at 20mph or higher (except I had a faulty sensor). I got out of the car, the lady got out too, did same "are you okay" formalities. Everyone was fine. Her car looked okay, her rear bumper was just scratched up but my car was messed up. Since it was a narrow road, we were blocking one lane. Traffic guy came and told us to go to a parking lot where a cop later met us. My car was still working though. I drove it home and to the repair shop after I got a ticket, grrrr! I later found out, my tires had less grip on the road because the road had been scraped so they could put a fresh layer of asphalt cause I didn't understand how new brakes, tires and shocks failed me. Of course I lost my custom jobs and till this day, my dad still thinks I was racing when the crash happened and I have never raced before but you have a guy with manual transmission and custom accessories - racer traits.
Well, at the repair shop, they claimed the frame of the car had been bent. Everything else can be fixed except for the frame. To the eye, you wouldn't know but ideal thing is once the frame is bent or damaged, junk it and that was what the repair shop and my insurance did - they sold it as junk. I'm sure the car is back on the streets now as a rebuilt car. Insurance paid me the value of the car though and I went and got a newer model Corolla. I no longer have that car either but it was not due to a crash.
Needless to say, I'm a safer driver now. I do a lot of defensive driving now. You want to overtake? Go! I keep my distance but of course the newer cars have better 'defense' mechanisms also that help. In summary, I just want to thank Baba God again that spared me in all of these crashes. I've seen cars on fire for similar things, people have broken bones, been ejected and killed for these same rear end collisions but I didn't suffer more than a headache.
So for all the great escapes, please give Baba loke 44000 gbosas for me.
Oh, I was playing with my ink blogging last night 'cause I drew some illustrations. I wasn't paying much attention though so I'll insert the drawings later.
Monday, August 25, 2008
1 - I think I'll need to join that alcoholics anonymous group o. God forbid.
I woke up this morning with a bad headache and I know what caused it - my appointment with alcohol last night. How did I get to this point?
Well, I'm a social drinker. I don't drink beer, all that Heineken and things don't go in my mouth. Last time I had Smirnoff was at my drowning. Smirnoff never tasted the same after that incident but I love wine. I've been messing with wine - pinot, sauvignon, merlot and all those types. I didn't like any of those too well but I settled with Chardonnay. I would buy one bottle like every month, it wasn't anything serious till I found White Zinfadel. I bought one small bottle like 4 weeks ago and I loved it and then I found a berry and lime flavored one by Arbor Mist. This bottle was bigger and that was what I wanted; it would last longer than those conventional skinny bottles. Now these wines are not alcoholic like them Bacardi, the only issue is, I've been drinking them like water lately, especially this past week. I would get home from work and pour me a glass on empty stomach, serve my food and pour another glass, finish the food and pour another glass for the 6 o'clock newscast.
Last night, I did the same. I first downed some WZ then got some food, then downed some again. I plopped on the couch in front of the TV to watch the closing of the Olympics, na lie, I dozed off. I woke up at the end of the ceremony with a small headache and made my way to my bedroom thinking by the time I wake up today, I'll be better. Hmm, my head was pounding when I woke up o. I made it into work and I'm good now. But guess what, I have about a glass left in that bottle and I can't wait to get to it, this afternoon.
Just to clarify, I don't get drunk on wine o. Most I've gotten was tipsy after downing about a whole bottle one time. I pride myself in being drunk only once, Enigma should remember this day at the saw mill (Philadelphia days) and I DON'T drink and drive. Never.
My sister says I'm getting addicted, I say I'm just living. What do you say?
2 - School resumed today o and classes begin for me tomorrow. Traffic has started going crazy with all the school buses and parents dropping off and students rushing to morning classes. I have 4 hour classes - 6pm - 10pm. I'm used to it though, this is my 3rd semester with that same schedule: classes on tues, wed, Thurs. My life is back in a routine now - wake up, go to work, go home (if I don't have a project due), get some food/change and go back to school; then go home, get a late dinner and crash. This will definitely affect my blogging as I need to face my books before anything else (except girls, I can multi task that one). I'll be here though posting comments and updating y'all as things go along. Hmm, I just remembered some fyne Indian girls in my previous classes. I bet I'll see them again but me and Indian? I no know o. We'll see sha as long as they don't do hari Krishna on me. Na lie, my God big pass their own, nothing do me. This ejucation sef, make I read wetin I wan read comot sha, make me sef begin dey write, B.Sc, M.Sc, Esq, Hons, JP, which one remain again?
3 - For those that know Enigma, y'all got to find out we are brothers from his comment on GE I. He actually introduced me to blogger. Some of you that met him in Las Gidi also know my name now. Badderchic already confessed to attempting to look me up on facebook, lol. I'm not against being facebook friends but let me enjoy my invisibility small. Enigma is a a janded boy but I'm doing yankee stuvvs (to borrow the words of Amplifyd) so there's a bit of a distance between us. We definitely stay in touch though. I'm his right hand man and he's my left hand man so we stand side by side. We've pulled a lot of stunts together and we still pull stunts regardless of distance.
Okay, we are now back from commercial break. Let's return to the shooting of GE III. If you see typo or gun shot, abeg ignore. Idea is need. I have a meeting in 10mins and I'm here, kai.
Monday, August 18, 2008
Saturday May 21, 2005, around 6pm.
My now ex girlfriend's siblings decided to throw a pool party on this day with their parents out of town, nothing big, just some pool side fun. A bunch of people were there, the older crowd of the older siblings were on one side and we, the younger crowd were on another side. We were joined together by the pool and the food/drinks in the middle of the pool area. I don't drink conventional beer like them Heineken and stuff so I opted for Smirnoff Apple. I had one bottle, downed some barbecue chicken, I was feeling good. C'mon, it's just one bottle.
After some time, I was downing my second bottle of Smirnoff (some berry flavor this time around), I decided to enter the water. I chilled at the shallow end for a while, splashed some water, made some noise and then the devil decided it was his turn. A friend decided to walk to the deep end and he recruited me to follow and I did. We sat at the edge of the pool at the deep end for a bit, just talking and stuff and then he decided to go back to the shallow end. I said I would chill for a few more minutes. After a few minutes, I decided to go back to the shallow end. Now, I could have just stood up and and walk on the side or get in the pool and walk back along the side like I did before. But for some reason, my eyes caught a float in the middle of the deep end and I decided I had to get the float before I walk back to the shallow end. So, I jumped in the pool and proceeded to walk to the middle of the deep end.Again, I couldn't swim (and I still can't swim). Also, the deep end was 6 ft deep and I'm 6ft 1 in height. I got halfway between the wall of the pool and the float and I realized my nose was not 6ft high off the ground, it was under water. At that point, I figured I'll jump up, catch a big mouthful of air, grab the float, land back in the water on my feet and then walk back to the wall and go the shallow end. Simple plan??? No, wrong move!!!
I jumped and took a deep breath as planned, I reached for the float but it was out of reach. Now I was coming down from the jump but instead of coming down straight, I guess the water being disturbed by everyone else pushed me a bit and I came down at an angle with my back facing the water. Realizing that I was going down into no man's land, I decided to yell so people can at least hear me and save me. Only thing was when I made that decision, I was already under and so my yell was muffled by the water. To make matters worse, the air I had taken in during my jump was being used up by my yelling. "What's happening?" I wondered. Yup, I was now officially under the water. I can't feel the ground under my feet and I can't seem to reach the wall and for some reason, everyone in the pool wasbeyond my reach. I raised my hand and I felt air. I started waving frantically, hoping someone would see my distress call. I even splashed water around but help was not coming. After a while, I decided to conserve my energy. I held my breath and tried to look around for something I can grab. I was ready to grab ass, boobs, anything at this point but although they seemed so close, they were far away. The air in my lungs started escaping. Second by second, my lungs were emptying out and then it happened.
Yup, my life flashed before me. "Is this how I die?" I saw the newspaper headline for the next week - 'Man dies in pool', I saw my mum at the hospital crying, I saw my dad being consoled, I saw the coffin, I saw my brother. I was seeing the future," this is how I die, I don't get to have a wedding or have kids, THIS IS HOW I DIE!". While all these were going on in my eyes (it wasn't in my mind or head, I was seeing it), I was still, I stopped moving. I originally stopped moving to see if I would float but when that wasn't working, reality set in. "It's a lie, I refuse to die this way and if this is how I die, I'm going out fighting". I decided to make the biggest raucous I could make in that water. I wanted to cause such an underwater disturbance that would attract attention. My reflexes took over - I took a breath involuntarily, water rushed in. I closed my mouth, held my nose with my hands. Nope, didn't stop reflex, I took another breath and gotmore water in my lungs. It didn't look good. I had to do something. It was time to fight.
Gasp, another gasp. I was hearing voices, kinda muffled though. I couldn't see. The voices became clearer: "who knows CPR?". Someone kept asking. "He's breathing", someone else said. I was beginning to see blurry images and I was still gasping for air. My lungs were hurting real bad. It was very painful taking those breaths but I needed it. I didn't know what was happening. I was laid on the floor next to the pool (or deck, whatever) face up, then I was turned over. A lot of people were looking at me, looking shocked. Then it hit me - I'M ALIVE!!! I SURVIVED!!!
My parents still don't know the real and full details to this day, I plan on telling them though, when my mum won't freak out. I've since gotten a Bachelor's degree, started my Masters program, broken up with that girlfriend and done a lot of other things (mostly good) and so again, I have to say THANK YOU JESUS!!!
There's still one more saga in this series, the testimony never finish. I'm about start the script for Great Escape III - The Rear Endings.
Ibiluv and Mz. Dee, I hope you guys get first and second comments.
Monday, August 11, 2008
First, help me thank God that I survived this past week. My familique ended up going to Disney for like 5 days so I've been catching up on my sleep, movies and games. Aahhhhh, peace at last, well, till Wednesday when they return for another couple of days.
Okay, to the real thing. I'll start with the first one: June 2004; father's day.
My dad used to have this SUV (or 'jeep' as those kind of cars are called in naija) - Isuzu Trooper. The car was nice and all, moved well and being a car enthusiast, I made sure that car was on point; washed, tires shining, interior sparkling. Well, this Sunday, all that wouldn't count. My mom, my sister and I went to church, did church and headed back home with me driving. Our route back home included us taking a highway with a speed limit of 70mph (about 115kmh). We were in the middle of this wooded highway, cruising along at 72mph in the fast lane when I observed that one of the tires on the driver's side was sounding and feeling somehow.
I told my mom that one of the tires was not sounding too good. She just said take it easy, we'll let your dad know and get it checked out. Being careful, I decided to drop to the slow lane and reduced my speed. I looked in the outside passenger mirror and I saw a car beside me so I decided to slow down some more and let the car pass so I can get in the slow lane. At that point, it seemed as if that car was slowing down too because it wouldn't pass me. I believe I had dropped to about 50mph (about 80kmh) by now because I actually looked at the speedometer. Then I heard the noise - BANG!!!
"I'm still in the fast lane, the road is about to curve to the right, the dividing median is just grass, no guard rails, the left rear tire has just blown and the car is seriously pulling to the left, I need to keep this car steady and get it to stop". These were the thoughts going through my head when I heard that sound. The car started pulling to the left towards the median and oncoming traffic and I was trying to steer the car to the right to keep it straight while gently applying the brakes. My sister who was reading a novel in the back thought I was playing and started yelling at me to stop fooling around. My mum who realized what was going on was calling on Jesus, me? I had my two hands on the wheel, looking straight and calculating all sort in my head, because at this point the road was beginning to curve to the right which means I'll have to turn the wheel right twice as much - to keep the car from pulling left and to make the car follow the curve.
I was doing good. I had controlled the car for almost a mile but I think I was more focused on keeping the car steady than stopping the car. I had my foot off the gas but I don't think I was pressing the brake hard enough. Of course, I didn't want to slam the brakes either. At the middle of the curve, the car took a violent jerk to the left which led me to return fire and forcefully turn the wheel right. I wanted to avoid a head on collision at all costs. That turn of the wheel sent the car in an acute right turn and next thing I know, the two right wheels come off the ground and the car lands on it's side and the rumble began.
It was the loudest noise I had ever heard. I was quiet throughout but my mum was still calling Jesus and my sister was still screaming. A million thoughts crossed my mind. I was worried about flying glass cutting my neck and me bleeding out. I could hear everybody else screaming so they are alive but the rumble wasn't over. We were being slammed over and over again. I opened my eyes and I saw glass and dust particles flying around, I closed them again. " Please don't let us land upside down", I prayed and then it got quiet except for the radio still playing gospel music. The engine had shut off. I opened my eyes and looked around. My mum called me and I answered, my sister was wailing in the back. What just happened? There's a bunch of trees right in front of the car and we are on the grass. Thankfully, we landed back on all four wheels or at least what was left of it.
I opened the door and I saw people reaching out and asking if I was fine. I still didn't understand what just happened. "Sit down", "take a seat", everyone kept saying but I wanted to know what happened. "Your truck just rolled over", someone said. "How many times?", I asked. "A lot, about 8 times", someone answered. I felt dizzy, I was staggering. People tried to grab me but I wanted to be left alone, I just crashed my dad's car. Damn!!!
I walked around and my sister was on the floor with one of her toes bleeding. The cops came and the ambulance followed. The fire truck was pulling up also. Cars were lined up on both sides of the road. People were crossing 4 lanes of traffic from the other side to come to our aid. That car was banged up. It looked like someone took a huge hammer and just started beating on the car, but I was fine. All I had were some scratches on my left hand. My sister cut her toe and my mum had no physical injuries. She later had issues from her sternum being compressed by the impacts of the car hitting the ground and I found out later that I had a much milder situation also but we were alive. We all wore our seat belts which held us down. My bible was in the back seat and only my window was shattered. Well, I picked up my bible about 700ft from where our car stopped. The window that was blown out was held together by the tint film and I picked that up even farther out.
Next to where our car came to rest were 3 erected crucifixes which meant 3 people died there. I took a look and it was fresh. I could still the tracks of the car that plowed into those trees, I even saw the glass from that car. I drive by that spot very often now and each time I'm thankful. We didn't need the fire truck or the ambulance. The police wrote their report and the car was towed away. We all survived the accident in a spot that had just claimed 3 lives. I don't like SUVs anymore due to their high chances of a rollover but He that watches over me neither sleeps nor slumbers. I know because I've had more close calls over the next couple of years but I'm still here.
Coming soon: Great Escape II - The Drowning
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
My cousin and her two kids came in from jand last week and I thought it would be a routine visit of 3 weeks but now I know I have my work cut out for me. One of the kids is a 6 year old boy. He didn't talk to anyone on the ride from the airport but once he saw that I had an xbox 360, I became his best uncle. How sweet??? NO!!!
this kid has made it his duty to bother me the minute I walk in the door from work about playing the xbox. Unfortunately, I don't have any kid games. My games are gory; guns and blood and stuff. I can't have the kid having nightmares 'cause of a game he played. I try to avoid him playing with the system 'cause all he does is bang on the controls.
The kid is smart though. He's figured out how to work the remote for the tv. In short, now before I leave the house, I hide my remotes and unplug my gadgets. That kid is always hyper y'all. Jumping from chairs, bed, stairs and pressing every button. He almost closed the garage door on my head one time. He needs to be watched 24/7. I can't complain though. I was just like that at his age so I know what my parents went through.
The sister is 12 and so she's got a bit of the teenage girl attitude - ignoring you, staying in her room with a romance novel all day. But when she decides to play, Lord have mercy. I came close to going nuts last night. These kids were screaming and kicking all over. Now I know not to let them have ice cream after 9pm.
Their mum? Poor woman hasn't adjusted to the time difference yet so she sleeps London and Florida night times. Even if she's adjusted, she probably needs the rest. She's dealing with some bastard idiot good for nothing nonsensical gogolarity of a husband. I'm not going to talk about that though, God dey!
So pardon my scattered presence in blogosphere. I have testimonies to share and soon as I can take a break from my second job, I will need you to say halleluyah for me. No be girl testimony o, this na serious something.
Wow, in between dodging coworkers and pretending to work, I finished this. I love my iPhone. I'm coming o, stay tuned. I'll be right back.
Oh, by the way, the mum's sister (also my cousin) comes in tonight from Detroit with her little boy also. I don't think I can handle the next few days with all these kids around. PLEASE, pray for me. If you don't see my testimony by Sunday, start fasting.
Aug. 07 UPDATE
Okay, seriously fellow blogosians. Please start fasting for me from now. Two 5 and 6 year old boys in the house is so not fun. All I've been hearing is screaming and fighting and running. I went to bed early last night with a headache after giving up on chasing the boys. I'm going to start getting mad at the mums now, they need to control their seeds.
Oh, did I mention that the 6 year old snores? No, real snoring like gear 4 and gear 5. Being the kid's "best uncle", he's decided to be sleeping in my room. Unfortunately, when I sleep, my ears don't sleep. I wake up to the slightest sound. I've been losing about 2 hours of sleep every night and this last night wasn't any different. I woke up with bloodshot eyes because I spent the whole night kicking the boy and counting sheep.
Oh, wait! I think they are going to Disney for a few days tomorrow. Some peace for me. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against them being around, I just don't have the capability (lemme speak small grammar) to handle all of these adrenalin rushes these kids are having.
Coz, in case you're reading this by any highly slim chance and can figure out who the players in this blog are, I'm not against you or your kids o.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
We started talking and hanging out. Anyways, after like a couple of weeks of talking and talking on the phone and hanging out, I wanted to get to the point. She had told me she did not like to drink alcohol cause she gets drunk very quickly. Well, one night around 1am, while we were out, we went into this bar. I was driving later so I ordered sprite (I don't drink and drive). My 'non drinking' friend wanted this creamy drink that was sweet and the bartender served her Baileys. In my mind I'm thinking, hmmm, which levels? She said the drink wasn't as sweet as the one she had some months before and the waitress said she'll add Kahlua on the next shot. My mind was smiling, this is interesting. She downed another mixture of baileys and Kahlua and after about 5 minutes, my friend stumbled off her bar stool and almost fell. Ohhh, it's soo going down tonight. What a perfect opportunity - we were already kinda feeling up on each other and now she's getting tipsy? During the walk back to the car, I checked my wallet for my Durex; present, ever ready. Me and this girl? Na tonight, make we reach house.
After 2 minutes of getting in the car, she fell asleep. Kai, why now? Well, I figured since we're not home yet, she could take a quick nap. I wanted to be like J. Holiday - "... time to finish, round 2 around 2" (Bed). Then AA showed up and started thinking about it. (Read my about me for who AA is). "She's kinda drunk and somewhat vulnerable, this is not right. I shouldn't take advantage of her", AA thought. That AA sef too dey righteous. In the long run, AA won the fight and I dropped her off and told her to sleep it off. But the fight was not over for me o.
While talking a couple of days after, she asked me what did I want from her and I threw the question back at her immediately. She told me she wanted a friend, a close friend. A friend who won't think nasty thoughts if she walked around the house naked in front of him. HAAA!!!
Right there, I told her to stop. "If you walk around me naked, I'm not going to ignore you. I will grab that ass and I'll probably be on your titties also and you know what's coming next" Those were my exact words to her. Remember I told you this girl was set all around. I swear, this had to be better than Jamaican ganja (not like I've had it before o). Anyways, she started tripping and was like why do all the guys she hangs out with end up trying to sleep with her? (Err, maybe cause you have a nice body??? duh).
I said I wasn't about sex but I can't be that kind of friend that will see you naked and look away. She asked so what did I want from her and I told her I would love to tap that ass. "We can be friends if you want but honestly, my thinking right now is me, you and my Durex" (I play safe, thank you). Of course, I apologized for being rude or too blunt and I didn't say it like that but I was being real. Abeg, forget all that courtesy crap, this is BB not AA. I tell it the way I see it, I no send.
She didn't trip though, she just smiled and said she was confused emotionally. Apparently she was caught up in some feelings for her ex boyfriend from 2 years ago and feelings for her ex from 2 months ago. So she did not want to get involved in anything right now besides platonic friendship. Rubbish, na me send am message???
No problem, good things come to those who wait right? What I didn't know was if I wanted to tap that ass, I would need to start paying up (was that even guaranteed?)
After a week or so, she called me up and we were talking about her sister that came into the country but needed to go out of state. OK?? She then asked me to buy her GPS so she can drive her sister out of town. I laughed and said no, why should I? She said because I'm her friend. I told her nope, I'm not balling like that. Then she got pissed and she started dissing me, calling me stingy and some other synonyms. I just told her I didn't have time for all that nonsense and hung up.
She called me 2 or 3 days later and was like why haven't I called her? I told her I've been busy with exams and I told her I didn't appreciate her dissing me either. I didn't care anymore since she kinda denied my 'tapping request'. She then got mad because I didn't appreciate her name calling charade (see me see trouble o). This time I didn't even bother talking, I just hung up. I don't have time for all that drama.
8:30am, two days later I got this text: "Can you borrow me some money to fix my brakes?" You should have seen me laughing at work. This chick was mega tripping. No, this bitch was super tripping. Am I her boyfriend or her sugar daddy (I'm not even that old sef)? I hit delete and continued my work like nothing happened. That was 3 weeks ago; she hasn't contacted me since then and I'm not even interested anymore.
I think I can kiss that ass goodbye. I'm moving on and I got my eyes set on this fine piece of ass. Wait, I think she has a band on her wedding finger. I need to confirm that before somebody goes ape shit on me.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
So what took me so long to talk to her? The timing was never right. When she was single, I was involved, when I was single, she was involved. The one time we were both single was when we just met and I didn't know much about her yet. Now we're both single and we just saw each other recently so I figured I'll let her know how I feel.
Well, I did and she responded with the line of "I see you as my very close friend". So I decided to give her some time to let it sink in. We still talked, not as much as before though, cracking our normal jokes as if nothing happened but the topic had to come up again so after all the jokes one night like 2 weeks later, I brought it up. I mean I couldn't act like I didn't tell you something and we can't ignore it forever. She maintained her stand of her not seeing me as her boyfriend because we're close friends. I even tried to swing it saying well, wouldn't you rather date someone you know well than someone you don't know well but she won't change her mind. She just didn't think of me that way. Of course she had the excuse of being a first year med student (ok, I'm in grad school too so???).
When it looked like it wasn't working in my favor, I dropped the topic, closed the discussion and went back to the "friend" mode. My gentle and good side won't force the issue. But this is what I don't get - what is wrong with dating someone you're close to? We're not even close like that, we don't talk about sex (not in details like that) and we never talked much about our exes sef, so it's not like I know all the nutty details about her, plus we don't even see that often, may once every 4 months and sometimes, we only talk like once a week. Even on facebook, we don't talk that much besides making crazy comments on each other's pictures or writing normal wassup on our pages. One thing I can confirm is there was attraction from both sides. Maybe she lost hers' along the way, I don't know but there definitely was attraction.
So if someone can explain this "close friend" phenomenon, please break it down for me.
As for the girl, I've fashied that topic. I'm not going to be forcing anyone for anything. Maybe I'll even save some gas money sef.
Also, I should mention, I'm not looking for advice o, I just need to understand this 'cant date my close friend' phenomenon, maybe the ladies can explain why close friends can't be boyfriend. Guys are welcome to drop their explanation also.
Saturday, July 19, 2008
These are my ABCs
A. Attached or Single?
Single (Was loving it but not so much anymore)
B. Best Friends?
My alter ego
C. Cake or Pie?
D. Day of Choice?
Friday - I get to dress down and it's the start of the weekend
E. Essential Item?
Wallet. (Must have my ID with me)
F. Favorite Color?
Blue (any shade, used to be grey)
G. Greatest accomplishment?
As of today, halfway through my graduate program
Wont give home town but home state is OSUN
I wish I had one.
J. January or July?
July (Half way thru the year)
Nope. When I'm married, sure!
L. Life is incomplete without?
God, then my computer(s) or iphone and internet
M. Marriage date?
Hmmm, let me be involved first
N. Number of siblings?
O. Oranges or apples?
I like the juice.
P. Phobias or fears?
Phobia. I overcame one today though - I swam in a pool since I drowned 3 years ago.
I have a few but I like this one:
Sometimes, we stare so long at a door that's closing that we see too late the one that's opening
R. Reason to smile?
Just because I like my smile (vain???)
Cold leaves and it gets warm (I don't like the cold)
T. Tag three friends?
I only have one so far so I guess:
U. Unknown fact about me?
You don't know me
V. Very favorite store?
I don't shop but maybe EBganes, lol
W. Worst habit?
I bite my nails and I've tried stopping but I keep slipping
X. X-ray or ultrasound?
I've had both (long story) but definitely X-ray
Y. Your favorite food
Friday, July 18, 2008
1. Put Your iTunes/ music player on Shuffle
2. For each question, press the next button to get your
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT!!!
After you’ve answered all of the questions, tag 5 other people
and then let them know they’ve been tagged to do the meme
IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
Because of who you are – Vicki yohe (I'm not judgmental)
WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Full moon - brandy (I swear I'm not a werewolf)
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Falling – J. Holiday (Clueless??)
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Try a little tenderness – Michael Buble
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Jolanta – Earl klugh (Earl needs to give me the lyrics to that jazz)
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
It’s 5 o’clock somewhere – Alan Jackson (I don't even drink that often)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Come a little closer - brandy
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Anybody - brandy (Fine girls only)
WHAT IS 2+2?
It’s in your eyes – Phil Collins (You know)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Time machine – Tpain
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
My regret – Banky W (Ha, so true, listen to the lyrics)
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
I wanna know your ways – Fred Hammond (Amen brother)
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Please don’t pass me by – Fred Hammond
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
You’ll never find another love like mine – Michael buble (You betcha)
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
M’lady – Gerald levert (Errr, I'm a dude)
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Wind am well – D’banj (Shake what ya mama gave you)
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
You are my song – Fred Hammond (Gotta go out in praise)
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Fever – Michael Buble (I've always had a thing for medicine)
WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Doing it big – Canton Jones
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Down low (nobody has to know) – R. Kelly (WHAT?? :O)
WHAT SHOULD YOU POST THIS AS?
Thought you said – diddy
I just wrote a long blog about something and I wiped it off with one button and started this one.
I don't write and I don't read. Not literally of course (I'm writing now, duh). I mean anything besides school books, I don't read and anything besides school paper, I don't write. Oh, I lied, work stuff too. You get the drift, flow with it, lol.
I'm sorta having fun with this though. I'm looking at blogs and I'm getting a hang of things. I saw some blogs that had some personal stuffs there and hmmm, I don't know o.
I'm a reserved person, I don't talk much especially about personal things so it's going to be some work for me to get to that level. Of course, I don't have to write anything personal and again, personal to some people may not be personal to other people. I'll let my alter ego do all that. My alter ego is crazy, in fact, I'm surprised myself.
I'm sure you'll 'meet' him someday. I'll introduce him as he'll be writing sometimes too.
For now, I'm just trying to warm up to the blogging world and catch a better grip on things. I already have 2 friends (shout out to Enigma and Buttercup) so I'm getting excited about this. I just finished a semester and all I have now is work so I'll have lots of time to write away. I can't forget my 360 and my movies though but I'll squeeze in a few minutes every now and then.
On this note, I welcome myself to the blogging world.