Back and Better

So I've been incognito again. Not intentional, just circumstances haven't permitted me.

Thanks to Tigeress who let me know she could blog at work and since we're in the same field, I decided to try and guess what? I can blog too, yay! Don't expect me to be doing this often though.

So what have I been up to?
Well, I finished this semester and my grades were flying. I'm so proud of myself. Who knew all that hard work and typing thousands of words and pages of jargons could translate to super good grades. Why are there no honor colleges for graduate schools or am I just in the dark about them?

Work is going swell. Really busy but I'm working it. Somehow, I find myself being diligent, so diligent that I'm even working from home after getting home and on the weekends. I'm so proud of myself too. There's no overtime pay, I'm not hourly so all that extra is just extra but I'm diligent. Whatever.

I'm dry today. I think it's because I'm doing this from work. I'm trying to speed things up so I can get back to work like an ant or should I say busy bee.

Today is my birthday, fellow blogosians. I wasn't going to announce it but hey, I'm alive to thank Baba God so why not. How old am I? Aren't you a nosy person? If you know, you know, if not ... oops, lol.
Sagittarius rocks y'all.

So I've been going about not dating until whenever. I've been ranting about me enjoying and living up my single life but guess what? I re-met somebody. Yes, I said re-met because we met years ago and we just said hello hello. Our dads are friends but we never had any interaction till about a couple of months ago and we just hit it off.
I'm not going to go into any details beyond this for now.

I'll try and update more often. I'll try my best. I'm still going to be spaced out though. I'm still adjusting to having 12 hours of my day diverted for work alone and 6 diverted towards sleep and 6 for whatever.

I'll get in the groove though.
Thanks to those who already wished me a happy birthday in one way or the other (you know yourselves).

The Awakening

Fellow blogosians,
I've been a bad citizen of blogosphere. I literarily went invisible and invincible.
It was not intentional though. Some changes occured that got me tied down, good changes of course. I got busier , much busier, almost too busy for myself.
I won't go into details now but I decided that today, right now, this very moment, oh crap, my query died! Oops, I'm talking about work now. I was waiting for this query to finish running and the stupid thing died because some file was full? What kind of stupid error is that?
I digressed, pardon me.

Yes, as I was saying. I said right now, I will pause everything and update. In fact, I paused my mp3 that was crooning Etcetera in my ears. The guy was boring me anyways, lol.

Blogosians, I'm still here o. Please accept my apologetic apologies. I've been reading your blogs when I can, I just don't comment often because it's a long thing when you're using your phone. The phone is coming handy in updating now though.

Plenty stories. I will get into them one by one. I will update properly today (amen) from a pc when I get home tonight.

Thanks to all that asked after me and asked me to update. Like the terminator said, "I'll be back", hehehe

Naked 419

I've had this sitting in my draft for over a month now. Seeing that there's a recession on blogsville, I decided to break the reserves. That's what reserves are for right?
This happened a while ago, actually last summer so over a year ago but it was and is still a funny story so enjoy.

My friends decided to go out one night and where did they decide to go? Strip club.

As of this day, I had never been to one and I had and still have my reservations against it. What's the point of getting yourself 'high' when you can't finish the process. Having some almost nude cutie grind on me and shake her inflated pom poms in my face when I can't touch them is a waste of heart beats.

I was outnumbered in my vote against it by like 8 people so I figured, what the heck, let's roll.

Stopped by the ATM to get some cash. I don't like carrying cash, having to carry change annoys me. I pour changes in tip jars, I hate jingling in my pockets. So I stop by the ATM and withdraw $60. That's enough now, na me wan go tip all the strippers. I was driving so I knew I wasn't buying any drinks and I have enough to buy drinks for someone. Abi how much do you expect me to spend on the strippers. I wasn't planning on getting any dances. I was just going 'cause everyone wanted to go and they needed me to drive a second car. Ashewo people, lol.

We piled into 2 cars and headed out. Got to the club around 10pm or so. Fee to get in was $10. Me feeling like big boy decided to pay for my sister and another girl staying with us. So I dropped $30 at the door. If I give the dancer $10 - $20 in singles, that's something now. We found a spot to lounge and we began to watch the show.

The announcer said something about getting a dance for a fee and u get free hat or something. One of the girls must have seen that I was super bored. She came to me and started doing her thing. I told my friends in yoruba that I didn't ask her to come and dance o. She kept dancing, I kept looking. She put one of their caps on my head, I took it off (I don't wear caps anyway). She came closer and was literally butt-rubbing me down there. Hmmm, ok o, body no be wood o. Of course, the girl probably took that as a good sign and she put in extra effort.

She started trying to psych me that that was her first time. I said for real? me too (idiot girl). Every now and then, I'll put a dollar in her pantyhose. One of my friends, a bad enabler, kept edging the girl on. He would tip the girl every minute and tell her she was doing a good job. By this time, I was getting tired of all this dry humping. If na something we wan do, make we do. All this dry hump me and leave me hanging is not my thing.

Anyway sha, after like 15 minutes, she ends the serenren and says $30.

Me: For what?

Dancer: For the dance.

Lol, abi this one craze?

Me: What dance?

Her: The one I just gave you

Me: Am I supposed to pay you for that? I gave you tips.

Her: Yeah but that was the house special, that's the free hat and it's $30.

Me: I didn't ask for a dance, you came to me and I don't want your hat either.

Her: Well, I already danced

Me: and I tipped you for that

Her: You still need to pay me.

By this time, my group were looking and wondering what was happening. I told them and I think a couple of them started laughing. Not that I couldn't have paid the but I had already tipped her out of the $30 I had left. I looked behind me and I saw a bouncer standing with arms crossed. I said "ehn ehn, you want to shakara me abi?"

My friend asked how much extra I needed. I told the guy, lai lai. She wants to play smart and force this 'house special' on me, I'll show her she's not that good.

Me: I gave you tips right?

Her: Yes

Me: Count it out.

She seperated my tips from my friend's tips and tried to add some of mine to my friend's but I was too sharp. See, I put my tips in her pantyhose and my friend put his in her thong so I knew whose was where, not so fast. She counted the tips from me - $12. That was almost $1 per minute, for something I couldn't touch??? See 419 without clothes o.

Me: So I owe you $18?

Her: I guess

Idiot no even sabi maths, "I guess". She didn't look too good anymore, her smile was gone but my smile was just starting.

I checked my wallet and there was exactly $18 left so I gave it to her and said keep the tips from my friend (like she would have returned it). Abeg, carry your nice Puerto Rican boobs and ass go joo with your fake "this is my 1st time" lie.
Not that I couldn't have paid her the money and still give her tips but the bottom line was that was the cash on me. I don't carry cash, I hate carrying cash. The notes make my wallet thicker and when I pay with cash, I have to deal with loose change. I hate change so I don't carry cash. That's why debit cards were invented but God forbid I swipe my card at a strip club or even a regular club. Forget opening tabs at the bar. I don't drink and drive anyway and I ALWAYS drive. When I buy drinks for people at the club, it's cash.

Anyways, back to the story, my friends were rolling with laughter by now and I didn't have anything but swear words for them. I left their hat there o. God forbid that I return to my father's house with hat from a strip club. I think it was obvious that I wasn't happy with them cause another dancer (clothed) came and gave me a hug again for no reason, lol.

The place got boring after a while and we decided to go to a club instead. Now the payer became the payee - my sister that I paid her entrance into the strip joint ended up paying my entrance fee into the club. Again, I don't use my bank cards at clubs.

Long story short, that was my first and last visit to the strip joint. It's pure punishment if you're not going to finish the "show" at your house, lol.

Pre-mini update

WOW!!! I never thought it would get to this point where I wouldn't update for almost a month. Sorry people, work all around was trying to bury me but I refuse to be put under. God forbid!

The funny thing is I have some skeleton drafts of things I wanted to talk about in the past that I just need to add some flesh to but I'm also trying to carry you guys along previous posts.
I guess I will just close the story on the stain on my shirt. The how it got there involved me and girl, (duh???). How her head or face got to my torso, I'll leave up to your imagination.

Speaking of stains, I was out this weekend for a party and I looked at the shirt I wore the next day and saw another stain on the chest area. This time, it looked like lipstick, I don't think anyone would be wearing that kind of color for a powder, it was like dark pinkish purple. Abeg, leave me joo, I don't know all those make up colors. What was lipstick doing on my chest? I don't know either. Maybe some girl was mega horny and was "trying" to suck something (I don't have man boobs o). If that was the case, the girl could have easily just told me. That was for you dirty minded people. For the clean minded folks, maybe I took a picture (I took a few) and a girl turned her face into my shirt.

School work is going to be light for me this week. All the professors seemed to have cooled down or maybe I just put in extra effort. I think it's the latter 'cause I've even completed a project that's not due until next Tuesday and so my ass is not going to school next Tuesday. That was the condition, if you finish it by last Tuesday, take next week off. Of course, I have other projects but we'll see sha.

Imagine o, I came into work, logged into my system and the first thing I did was update. I have work emails that need to be read o. I'm going, you people will not get me fired before I quit.

The Result and the award

Hmmm hmmm *clearing throat*.

So I wanted to sample you people and see how nasty you people think I am or how nasty you people are.
I sorta arranged the options from the top down, it can also pass as a least nasty - more nasty list but maybe not. In all, 20 people voted. I know you can see the result but I'm feeling like a typist and I want to type it. If I vex, I'll get to writing and make all of you read my duck scratch, that's better than chicken scratch right??

So 60% (12) of you thought it was from a hug. Awww, how innocent. Girl walks in, sees boy, says hello and gives hug therefore staining the shirt on the shoulder. Perfect scenario but WRONG!!!

25% (5) thought it was from a kiss. Double awww. Not so innocent but still innocent. Girl walks in, sees boy, says hello and gives a kiss on the cheek or lips (not impossible) therefore staining shirt on collar. Perfect scenario but WRONG!!!

10% (2) thought it was from sucking. Sucking what???? The two of you that voted groin and you know yourself, you are NASTY!!! But it's not impossible. It was at a friend's house and there were rooms we could have disappeared to for a quick quickie therefore staining the shirt in the groin area. Not a perfect scenario but not impossible and WRONG!!!

So nobody voted for nothing. You guys don't think I can lie? Awww, you guys see me as a truthful person, that's so nice, guys. Well, my shirt really did get stained so ...

Wait, I skipped one - 1 person, 5% voted torso. I need this person to come out o. Please show yourself, I have an award for you. Abi, did I vote for myself? My nice white with blue stripes TM Lewin shirt got stained on the torso or chest/belly area, take your pick. So how did it happen??? Till that person that voted comes forward to claim his/her prize, I won't say.
All of you that said it couldn't have been stained in the groin area, don't be deceived o. Sexcapades will never make on blogger though so we'll leave it at that.

UPDATE
Ladies and gentlemoimoi, the one person who voted correctly has been identified. Give it up for Stinger (if you're lying, I will send a pit bull to you). For your award, scroll down to the next red text.


Before I forget, I got the certified honest blogger award and you will have to forgive me but I forgot who gave me. I got it from 2 people actually and I'm too lazy to go dig up who. I also forgot the rules but I know I have to pass it to some people and display it??

Anyways, this is my acceptance speech.

First, I'd like to thank the Lord who made it possible for me to be here today. I'd like to thank my family for their support. My parents who didn't spare the rod and the slaps when I destroyed things just because I wanted to see what made it work.

My brother, Enigma who used to refuse to let me ride with him when he was going out to his friends. Also my sister. You don't know her so leave her alone.

I'll also like to thank my director - my desktop computer, my producer - my laptop/tablet, my screenwriter - my work computer and I cannot forget my makeup artist who's always there with me.
You don't understand, guys. This person makes up for everything my director and producer can't do. When I'm on the go, he's there, when I'm sleeping, he's there. He makes sure I can check blogger at 1am on my bed when my producer and director are in bed. On many occasions, my makeup artist lets me shoot movies and he makes sure the producer gets it right. I've been mean to him guys and I want to apologize. I've dropped him, I've thrown him and I've threatened to replace him, even as recent as 3 days ago. Ladies and gentlemen, please give a standing ovation to my make up artist - my phone the iPhone. *oya, stand and clap now*

Okay, the band has started playing the song to get me off stage so I need to round up. I will like to share this Certified Honest Blogger award with the following people:

Enigma (about time you got one dammit)
Tigeress (shey you will be nice to me now)
Tisha (I actually do think you are honest)
Naija Babe (keep being the meanie you are)
Bumight (we cool now??)
Jarrai (I owe you a diagnosis, I didn't forget o)
Agbero (Abeg, where Sikira dey now?)

Stinger (You don't have one yet, do you?)

They are coming to chase me off the stage now o. If I didn't mention your name, I have you on reserve and if you already got the award, don't be greedy, return it. I can get some change for it on eBay.

The story is coming o people. I was feeling hyper and wanted to type something by force tonight.